Open My Eyes

The pace of my heart is racing out of control,
As a whole,
I am afraid
And feeling as if made from dirt,
Filled with hurt,
Camped on the outskirts
Of the light,
Out of sight,
Trying to abide
And hide
Beneath the ground,
Unfound
And bound
To the deep shadows brooding within.
I feel without worth,
Like I'm cursed
And worse
Than anyone.
My eyes peer into the reflection,
My inspection
Quote unquote
Revealing how wrong my heart has come to be,
Subconsciously asking
"Do You still love me,
Regardless of the filth You see?"
Because I'm undisciplined and lazy,
My thoughts are hazy,
Heart phasing
In and out of rest,
Falling back to a grueling strive,
Becoming unalive
As I'm tangled in legalistic
Specifics,
Dependent on the carnally realistic,
Negatively idealistic
In a manner in which I dream that I might actually get it right.
So I'm begging for insight
Trying not to get left behind,
Binding and loosing
And choosing
To press on
Until this heaviness is gone,
Making sure every tick of the clock is dedicated
And I'm replicated
As the most Christ-like man on the earth,
Finding my worth
In every verse
I read,
Every supplication I plead,
Running until I bleed,
But never succeed.
It seems I can never reach that position where I can embrace
Grace,
Break pace
And get lost in Your wonder for awhile,
Where every smile
Turns my heart to wax
And I can relax
In Your arms
Away from harm,
And clothed with a garm
Of gladness,
Erasing the sadness
And lost in the madness
Of laughter,
And my eyes open
And all that is hoped in
Is You.