Last Year

Last year nothing felt right and as the hours passed
I felt like I was drowning is waves of laughter and smiles
When someone asked, "How are you?" I smiled
and silently touched the badly bandaged battle wounds
I had fought with the night before and replied, "I'm Fine."
Life would go on even if I was gone and if I did I thought
Would anyone notice my absence?
Every tear that was shed plead for my lips to tell the truth
Yet my mouth was sealed shut by the insults I believed were true
And the comments of those who peered at my scars and whispered
"Freak.", but I really tried not to be. I hid from the questions that
Stuck in their throats as they stared at my silence, soon nothing
Was left, but haunting thoughts of suicide hidden in my head
Days grew so much longer and it got harder to leave my bed.
I wore a smile all day to please the audience keeping them happy
By nigt I would fight wars to keep myself from dying, but
Would also love nothing more. And no one seemed to notice as my
Scars grew thick then one day I just gave up
Out of nowhere someone took my hand and sqeezed as I tried not to cry
Because I felt guilty. I felt guilty for wanting needing to die when
Someone wanted me to be strong when I wasn't. It came to my mind
That another person cared for me and had felt my pain, wanting
To be free. When the day came that I couldn't hold on and fell
There was a net at the bottom keeping me from hitting the ground
So I wouldn't shatter. She wanted me safe and happy, so I could laugh
Even when I couldn't be those things, she stopped me from bleeding
So whenever I needed to pull the blade out of my drawer she would stop
Me from slitting my skin anymore. I couldn't help myself I liked seeing the
Blood, but her tears poured down her eyes drowning in my flood.
When I finally stopped and now in recovery I remain
She helps me to believe that I am beautiful and worth something
I gave away my blades and threw away the pills that I had hidden
In some clothes stashed away in the closet behind closed doors.
Now I don't need them I finally feel alive and I look back at the shame
And the tears that I had cried. Too many wars I had fought with no one
Around, so I could blend in with the shadows strewn across the world
But for the others out there who are feeling so cold I am here and I will
Try to be the one to keep you from falling.