Why?

God, please tell me why?
Why do I hate myself so?
Is there a strict reason?
I know it’s my body, personality, and anything in between.
I try…
I want to like myself…
Why can’t I just love myself?
Why?
I just want to like how I look.
I want to like how I act.
I want to like me, myself, and I.
I want to be perfect for when I look at myself.
I just want to look okay.
I want to act okay.
I just want to be considered normal.
Why do I want to cut?
Why do I want to cut the fat off of me?
Why is looking how I want to so fucking god damn important?
I don’t know…
But, it is.
I can’t help this…
This is hard to admit, even if I am just typing to myself. No one will know anything about this stuff..
Unless, they go snooping through my stuff…
I don’t know…
I just don’t know anything anymore.
I feel fat…
I feel like I cannot confront people…
WHY CAN I NOT BE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF?
Why am I in Math expressing how I feel?
Why do I have so much time on my hands?
FUCK!
Why can I not ever amount to anything?
Why can’t I just be myself and be happy with myself…
Why do I feel like this?
Just…
Why?
Is it because I can’t deal with anything?
Is it because I’m me and I will never be perfect?
Why?