Happy

I'm trying so hard to be happy
Yet the feeling of emptiness plagues me

I want to push away all the fucked up shit I think up
I want to erase every emotion my solitude brings
I can't seem to escape this hell

I've been here for years
And still, I can't find a way out

My body is threatening to crumble
My mind nears a breakdown

All I want is to feel happiness

I'm so frustrated
I want to scream
I want to find a place to rest, to cry freely

I don't even remember the last time I cried without restrictions
Without worrying of my vulnerability being shown

I want peace
I don't remember ever having it
I can't remember the last time I had a comforting hug
or a pat on the back, of someone telling me that "everything is going to be alright"

I can't remember

I have been trying to be strong for so long
I have forgotten what it feels like to be weak, to be able to reveal myself in front of others

I'm trying so hard to be happy
But I just can't

When I'm near, it all turns to dust and disappears
This feeling of desperation torments me

It's always there
It's ruining me
I can't run away
I want to cry so badly

Damnit, I'm trying so hard to be happy