Inquiry

i do not know if im my name, my physical body or my spiritual being. i do not know which part of myself to identify with. they do not connect and i'm not sure if that’s my fault or not.

i try to remember that i am all of this at the same time; never one without the other. at least for this lifetime. but i always forget.

i wonder if im half my sister since we came into this lifetime together. i wonder if her soul feels as old as mine. i wonder if she ever gets tired of her body. if she ever wishes to escape. if she claws at it, knowing this is a lifetime; that this can never not be until it’s never again.

restless soul. temporary body. can she feel death? can she remember pain? does she know? does she know? does she know?

how must it feel to never not be a pair? a piece of something. someone. even if there is nothing. there will come a time when we are one without the other.

how will it feel to be a single? there was a time when i knew where all of her scars came from. now i wonder if her fingernails are bloody and sore. if she’s ever been afraid to die.

i think im still forgiving myself so everything. for my childhood. for getting so sad. for all that time wasted not being happy. when i do things that remind me of who i am, my minds always whispers “you do not belong here” but it says that about every place.

even here.

even now.