Fondly

I'm only trying to get by
without falling on my face
I am such a disgrace
I am confused and misplaced

When I was 7 years old I lost my mother in a convenient store
I walked through the aisles, trying not to cry
because I was embarrassed to cry in front of strangers
I grew a worm in my throat and a nest in stomach
So when i starting trembling like a bird I wasn't surprised
The store was air conditioned yet I was sweating
Nothing was comforting but I carried on
I never stopped moving
Even though 10 minutes later I was reunited with my mother
I discovered a new feeling that day
the feeling of being alone

12 years later
here I sit feeling alone
every year is an aisle
every friend is a stranger
I cry to myself
acknowledge the danger
Introvert by design
Extrovert by evolution
Consistent state of anxiety
I was abandoned as a human

I'm only trying to get by
with this idea that I can be alone
But not feel lonely
only, if only
at the end of my life to be
greeted, fondly.