Because I'm Fat

because i am afraid to take up space
and ashamed of every
single
pound
and every
single
breath
and every
single
word.

because even i look at other girls and say,
"at least i'm not that fat."
something about that makes me feel like
somehow
i have a better chance of making it
somehow
better than those other, fatter girls
and it makes me feel even worse
about myself.

because i am not meant
to be heard
and most certainly
not
seen
but i am unable
to hide.

because they tell me
"no one can love you until you love yourself"
and i do not love my fat myself
so how could
anyone?

because that means
that i will die
alone
and fat.

because i feel pathetic
writing about how i feel
because
how i feel
does not matter
as long as i am fat.