3:16 AM

...It’s 3:16 AM and I can’t help but think about the future.

What will I remember 10 years from now? How will I remember this moment in time- if I even remember it at all?

Who am I going to remember? and who is going to remember me?

Things seem fine now, but I can’t help but feel that it’s all about to collapse.

Everything seems like it can be easily broken, undone, and unraveled. I can lose everything tomorrow, and I won’t know until tomorrow comes. I can be completely alone in a few years or surrounded by people I truly love and care about.

But right now, I’m clueless. I know nothing and there’s no possible way for me to know.

Is this year going to be blurred out and deemed unimportant in my memories or will it hold some kind of meaning?

There is nothing guiding me and I wish there was.

I worry that I will forget important events that will shape the future me and dismiss events that have already shaped the current me.

I worry that I will never make something of myself even after all of my efforts so far.

I have no idea what my future holds because I have no goal. I have no idea where I’m going in life because I haven’t decided on what I want.

I worry that one day I’ll realize that time has passed me by and that my indecisiveness cost me a bright future.

Writing this has made me realized something; that I’m afraid.

I’m afraid of living.

I’m afraid that I will never get to taste the happiness I so desperately crave.

I’m afraid I won’t ever get a peace of mind.

I’m just afraid of what is to come.

It’s now 3:31 AM and I’m so tired. These kinds of thoughts never let me sleep.