1 A.M. Love Letter

ryan,

i hate you
for a lot of reasons

i hate that you make me feel this way
because i was convinced i was incapable
of receiving love and being able to
give it right back

i hate that you kiss me
when i think that you wouldn't
and you put all my doubts to rest

i hate that you left that one time
and that all i could think about was you
even when i shared a bed with someone else
i imagined it was you

i hate that i realized how much i needed you
and how happy i was when you came back and said
you thought about me nonstop
and that you needed me too

i hate that you made me want something
i thought i always detested
but that ring on my finger
and those two or three kids sound perfect

i hate you for being the only one
i ever want to hate
i ever want to love
i can't see it being anyone but you

i hate that i feel like i'm dying
every second i'm not with you
and every second i know you're
feeling like dying too

i hate that i love you
because its the easiest thing i've ever done
oh god i couldn't hate you if i tried
not even a little bit

love,
johnathan