Parasite

There's something wrong with me.
No diagnoses, no healing.
Everywhere I go, it follows me;
Taunting and suffocating.
I feel like there's a parasite
Trapped in my mind,
So frantic and desperate for escape,
It's torn apart what's normal,
And with it, it's replaced
My ability to love with something awful;
So obscene in nature, its haunting.
I am not worthy of love, it screams
From its permanent residence
On the panic button in my head.
I can't tell if it's talking about me,
Or if it's berating itself for its misdeeds.
Though, when I allow myself to think,
Wonder what it would feel like
To give myself wholly to another human being,
It whispers from behind my eyes,
Pinches and stings until I cry.
In its attempts to free itself,
From a host no longer necessary,
It's destroyed all else inside of me.
The despair stays,
Even when the parasite sleeps.
But other than this,
I am completely empty.
It's completely drained me,
Sucked out my soul and left me gaping.
I seek out help,
Please for a cure to this beast,
But every time I try,
I feel myself, again, fall behind
And it opens its eyes.
I'm here, laughing and joking,
Dancing and singing
But the truth is, my parasite
Has taken so much from me,
That I am no longer sure I'm alive.