Degenerate

Im not a fucking hero,
Im not even somebody my kid can look up to,
I'm just a kid who grew up hating people just like you,
Just a kid who was abused and tortured and lied to,
Who became an alcoholic and an addict just to fight through,
What a fickle bitch life is too.

I try to stand up for myself yet no one fucking hears me
Like Im talking on the phone and all the lines are busy
No one gives a fuck what I have to say, like really,
What do I know about anything dont be silly...

Then you people wonder why I stop.
And say.

What the fuck.
What the fuck would you know,

I spend every god damn morning hoping consciousness won't arrive
I've been through unspeakable lives alone and I survived everytime..

I got a fucking problem
And they tell me I should talk about it, get it off my chest,
What am I supposed to say, life is the fucking best?
Gotta remind people that I won't take my life because they fucking doubt me,
Gotta promise my father I won't take his life because I'm fucking angry.

Only other thing that I feel is nothing,
Not even a shred of hope for something
Clowning me on the trigger, saying I wont squeeze it.
Put the barrel in your mouth, Cry your eyes out, You should know I fucking mean it.

I like to put the gun to my head and act sad like everybody else.
Tell em Im dead inside and Ill get a tattoo of somebody else.
That'll show them Im an individual.

Psych.

You need a warrant to walk down these stairs to my lair.
Dont mind the smell its just formaldehyde in the air.
The scent of a soul that is barely fucking there
Hanging by a thread, Buckshot shells say; I dont need to care

My collection of art and antiques with a trail of chaos to Mozambique
Some would say my thoughts are quite unique but.
I say it dont matter Ill probably be dead in the week

Fuck it.
I dont belong here and they put me down because I dont understand
Im a cold hearted peice of shit who never had a plan
I wonder how much innocent blood is stained on these hands.
Ghosts of my past direct me right to the liqour stands

Ill find another night's peace an quiet at the bottom of the Rum
Stave away the voices, at least until the morning sun
At least until the morning sun
My nightmare has only just begun
The cycle repeats at the morning sun

Im not a fucking hero
Im not even someone my daughter can look up to
Saying, "Daddy what you up to?"
If she even fucking remembers who..

Ill put on my mask, have another glass
The liqour puts the past in its bags
Only then I realize what I am
Im just a kid who grew up hating people just like you,
Just a kid who was abused, tortured, and lied to
Became an alcoholic and an addict just to fight through
And you know, Life is a fickle little bitch too