Precursor

Just incase you missed it last
Fully-loaded meltdown ready to blast
Dryheaving the darkness in the grass
Fistfull of dirt and tears, this cannot last.

Bouncing back and forth down the hallway
Hallucinations quicken, not a single word to say
Im paranoid of every fucking move she makes
I cant see straight with my blood on my face

Take advantage of what sanity I manage..
And reach out to people like you,
Asking for help, begging for words
And I hear everything that couldn't work..

Thirteen- hundred voices scream my fucking name
Telling me what to think and what to see, yet you expect from me..
A shred of fucking normalcy, you expect me to be okay??
Ask me if Im fine!
I hope you love a fashioned lie
Ignore me everyday even when I ask for your time!

All these reasons I have to hold on,
Are cluttering my fucking head
Like worthless scraps of paper
They wouldn't change if I was dead

They couldn't magically be worth
A fucking single scent of air
When its always really ME
Who's barely even there..

So Ill tell you what..
Ill sleep alone again tonight
And Ill drink alone again alright..
Watch you barely fucking speak to me
While Im losing reasons to stay alive

Im so very sick of crying out to you for help
And you dont even fucking look my way.
I have a lot of thinking to do
Actions speak louder anyway