Stone in a Heart

Handsome.
Stunning.
The love of my life lays next to me.
Yet tears form,
My breath shakes,
And I struggle noises away.
Sleep my dear soul mate.
My dear one.
My love.
I have betrayed you, beat you, verbally abused you.
Your chance of freedom, you did nothing.
I've starved,
Cut,
Bruised,
Bled,
Perged,
Cried,
Name called,
Sleep deprived,
Overslept,
Driven away,
And tailored completely to you...
I hate myself.
Forgiveness is given to the gentle, kind, faithful.
I am not to be forgiven.
I am not to be treated righteously.
Why let me back to your side.
Why when i can not even forgive myself.