Not One

I stand today on the ashes of my old self
Mixed with dirt, blood and heartfelt tears
Soiling my bare feet with crushed dreams
And bathing in the sea of mediocricy

I see pain and death every day
And witness loss fill their eyes to the brim
I feel not for them
I feel not for me
I am numb to the point of concern

And it haunts me, it eats me alive, what am I?
Who is this? This ain't me! I was sane
I was pure and well-intentioned
Now I'm bitter and dark and a weight to this ship

I can feel in my mind and my heart that i'm wrong
But I can't stop to think I should improve my actions
I am ugly and rough on the inside
And I put up such a proud and proper front
I disgust myself when I think about me

And this blackheart will beat
For as long as I let it