Dear Gummy Bear
I didn't notice any change, but daddy did. He bugged me for days to take a test. I waited till morning and there it was two bright pink lines. I was so happy. I was so scared. You changed mommies mindset once I knew you where there.
We didn't know how far I was so we didn't know when we would argue over who you looked like more.
But a day before seeing you in the ultrasound mommy felt weird and spotted a little it made me nervous and scared where you hurt but some of moms friends said it was normal and not to worry to stop thinking the worst
It was the first ultrasound and they took the pictures and made mom wait forever only to send me home with nothing and no information I was worried so I missed work the next day to talk to the doctor only to hear you didn't have a heartbeat you had faded away.
My world shattered I held my breath I begged it was a nightmare and I would wake up. I felt the tears before I realized I was crying.
They tired to explain that I was only 6 weeks and it's common like it would stop my pain.
It crushed me. it broke me. it made me pissed off at god.
My little gummy bear was gone. Why could you not stay with me? Why did god take you from me? What did I do wrong? Why did this have to happen to me? So many questions that never get answers.
Then those that know make it seem like you shouldn't of mattered not on purpose I hope but tell me I can always try again. And ask me how I'm feeling daily like they need to know if I forgot about you. Daddy cared but I feel alone in the pain it's caused this empty feeling knowing your gone and can't return.
I promise to try one more time but Gummy bear can you talk to god about your brother or sister that he not take them too? Understand I do hate he took you. I wanted to meet you. to hold you. to really show you how I love you.
I miss my gummy bear, my first baby, my first little mini me.
We didn't know how far I was so we didn't know when we would argue over who you looked like more.
But a day before seeing you in the ultrasound mommy felt weird and spotted a little it made me nervous and scared where you hurt but some of moms friends said it was normal and not to worry to stop thinking the worst
It was the first ultrasound and they took the pictures and made mom wait forever only to send me home with nothing and no information I was worried so I missed work the next day to talk to the doctor only to hear you didn't have a heartbeat you had faded away.
My world shattered I held my breath I begged it was a nightmare and I would wake up. I felt the tears before I realized I was crying.
They tired to explain that I was only 6 weeks and it's common like it would stop my pain.
It crushed me. it broke me. it made me pissed off at god.
My little gummy bear was gone. Why could you not stay with me? Why did god take you from me? What did I do wrong? Why did this have to happen to me? So many questions that never get answers.
Then those that know make it seem like you shouldn't of mattered not on purpose I hope but tell me I can always try again. And ask me how I'm feeling daily like they need to know if I forgot about you. Daddy cared but I feel alone in the pain it's caused this empty feeling knowing your gone and can't return.
I promise to try one more time but Gummy bear can you talk to god about your brother or sister that he not take them too? Understand I do hate he took you. I wanted to meet you. to hold you. to really show you how I love you.
I miss my gummy bear, my first baby, my first little mini me.