Kite with no string
It was easy for me to be lost in another dream of fiction. A real flesh and blood human with deen and sparkle entered my life again.
This one more alive than the last.
And I was floating.
Flying.
Thinking at last. This was it.
But I got worried and tired and stressed and pulled too hard at the kite of my dream. It tangled and snapped and said I’ll come back, let me be for a while. So my smile crumbled and I sat humbled in pain.
Anguish.
Trying to remember what had me so high and livid for life before him. Before all the hims before. I got to see their light, a spark of hope of a future between us only to be crumpled and broken again and again and again and again. And my span of hope diminishes in a wishful fountain of pain. The darkness of which is welcoming and lonely and totally drained.
I wish.
I wish so hard for someone better.
Someone I can hold onto with both hands but they crumble when I touch them. They fail when I see them. An endless mirage of hopeless dreams.
A constantly fading scene.
Oh god, I’m not meant to have a husband it seems! Why? Where is your help. The mercy promised. I’m tightening my hopes around myself bounded so deeply in the sadness I can’t see past it. I just want to know - where does it end? Is there an end... can it just end? Today? Right now? I’m tired of all the pain and the somehows. Some ways I’ll make it work. Some days I can’t handle it anymore. I just want someone to care for someone to care for me and I stop myself a million times for wishing so hard. Because why? Why would anyone want me?
A kite with no string.
This one more alive than the last.
And I was floating.
Flying.
Thinking at last. This was it.
But I got worried and tired and stressed and pulled too hard at the kite of my dream. It tangled and snapped and said I’ll come back, let me be for a while. So my smile crumbled and I sat humbled in pain.
Anguish.
Trying to remember what had me so high and livid for life before him. Before all the hims before. I got to see their light, a spark of hope of a future between us only to be crumpled and broken again and again and again and again. And my span of hope diminishes in a wishful fountain of pain. The darkness of which is welcoming and lonely and totally drained.
I wish.
I wish so hard for someone better.
Someone I can hold onto with both hands but they crumble when I touch them. They fail when I see them. An endless mirage of hopeless dreams.
A constantly fading scene.
Oh god, I’m not meant to have a husband it seems! Why? Where is your help. The mercy promised. I’m tightening my hopes around myself bounded so deeply in the sadness I can’t see past it. I just want to know - where does it end? Is there an end... can it just end? Today? Right now? I’m tired of all the pain and the somehows. Some ways I’ll make it work. Some days I can’t handle it anymore. I just want someone to care for someone to care for me and I stop myself a million times for wishing so hard. Because why? Why would anyone want me?
A kite with no string.