Just A Bird
It's just a bird.
A bird that no one liked but you.
A bird that travelled to countless houses and two states.
Just a bird that was perched proudly and regal and gigantic for all to see.
Awe inspiring in all of its wild and quiet beauty, and I have marvelled every day I have laid eyes on it.
It's just a bird.
That I fought tooth and nail to keep close to me once you were gone.
A bird I turned my nose up to everyone who dared to say it was anything but incredible.
A bird I will risk it all for.
A bird I promised to protect.
A bird I would tear my own body apart just so it couldn't lose any of its beautiful feathers.
Powerful feathers, for a powerful and proud bird.
It's just a bird.
A bird that doesn't sing or call.
But every day, to me, it said your name.
And now I can no longer hear it.
For the first time in my whole life I can't even stomach looking at it.
A bird that was you, and I let you down again.
It's just a bird.
And I am angry at myself.
My heart is tearing itself to shreds over and over.
And it's as if my minds relentless reminders are talons and my heart is the prey.
I don't understand why I feel like I can't function or why I can't stop crying.
Why this feels like it's going to kill me.
No matter what.
No matter the cost.
No matter how many times I keep telling myself, "it's just a bird".
A bird that no one liked but you.
A bird that travelled to countless houses and two states.
Just a bird that was perched proudly and regal and gigantic for all to see.
Awe inspiring in all of its wild and quiet beauty, and I have marvelled every day I have laid eyes on it.
It's just a bird.
That I fought tooth and nail to keep close to me once you were gone.
A bird I turned my nose up to everyone who dared to say it was anything but incredible.
A bird I will risk it all for.
A bird I promised to protect.
A bird I would tear my own body apart just so it couldn't lose any of its beautiful feathers.
Powerful feathers, for a powerful and proud bird.
It's just a bird.
A bird that doesn't sing or call.
But every day, to me, it said your name.
And now I can no longer hear it.
For the first time in my whole life I can't even stomach looking at it.
A bird that was you, and I let you down again.
It's just a bird.
And I am angry at myself.
My heart is tearing itself to shreds over and over.
And it's as if my minds relentless reminders are talons and my heart is the prey.
I don't understand why I feel like I can't function or why I can't stop crying.
Why this feels like it's going to kill me.
No matter what.
No matter the cost.
No matter how many times I keep telling myself, "it's just a bird".
♠ ♠ ♠
My dad and I shared a love for taxidermy and strange things, after his death my mother threw away all of his collection but after a screaming match I managed to save the bird, this was 11 years ago and on Friday the 17th of June this year, after all these years, some parts were destroyed by what I'm assuming was mice, it was stored in what I thought was a safe place until I could finally move into my home and I feel as though I have lost my dad all over again. The bird can be restored although it still won't be the same and I don't think I will ever forgive myself for the lapse in care and protection of the bird that my dad loved so much.