Fishing for Spiders
My soul cries out to be with a virgin…
Because I’m sick of this lie that I attempt live
Because this lie keeps trying to kill me
With my past mistakes and regrets I pretend to not have
My soul cries out to be with a virgin
Because it’s so worn from all the past relationships
Speeding through them like an ambulance driving down the highway
It’s so beat up from moving too quickly
Losing the clothes and the innocence before I can even blink.
My soul cries out to be with a virgin
And not just a virgin in the way you think
A virgin that doesn’t know the past I try to hide
I have skeletons in the closet that make me even squirm
My soul cries out to be with the boy that has those deep brown eyes
It screams in agony every time he tries to shut me out
Thank god only I could hear it, because I think that might disturb some people…
My life seems to be ruled by my body’s desires and other’s problems…
But I seem to be able to control myself when I’m with him
Maybe it’s because he seems so distant
I keep trying to reel him in, but he just keeps reclusing back into himself…
And who has time to even think about fucking when you’re just trying to get him to talk to you?
My heart aches for him, and I don’t even know why
Maybe it’s because he reminds me of the best friend that I can’t have in that way
Maybe it’s because of his love for music, the way he gets so passionate about it
Maybe it’s because he’s so fucking withdrawn into himself that I want to see if I can even get him out
Maybe it’s because he’s the first one that said HE didn’t want to hurt ME
Maybe it’s because he actually understood that I could hurt HIM
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy…
But aren’t we all?
Why can’t I get over him like I can with all the rest?
Why can’t I just forget about him?
Why can’t I continue breathing until I know he’s still talking to me?
Why can’t I just leave him alone?
Why can’t I just stop trying to help him?
Why? Can you tell me that?
Because my best friend sure can’t…
And I feel so bad for continuing to keep on dragging her into this
She shouldn’t have to deal with my problems
She shouldn’t have to watch me in pain,
She shouldn’t have to try to care
Not after she tried so hard NOT to care about him
All just so I could be happy…
What is it about him that just makes me keep on going?
Why does his brown skin and long dark hair make my head go crazy?
Why does my heart speed up every time I see him?
Why does his voice always make a smile creep on my lips?
Why do I find his gaze so…
Contradicting is what you are to me when you say you can’t stand to be around people
But then you say you can’t see me because you want to spend time with family
Family…
I understand the importance of it
But does it have to rule so many aspects of your life?
Can I not even have a sliver of it?
Or better yet, even spend time with your family WITH you?
That’s it that I want…
To be next to you when I feel myself falling
To be able to touch you when I find myself bending and breaking under the stress
To be able to hold you when I see YOU fighting with yourself…
All I want to do is help you…
All I want is for you to understand that I’m right here
What is it that makes you so badly want to shut yourself out from me?
I’m not going to try to hurt you…
I know I’m not the most perfect person out there
I lie and I cheat and I double cross when I think I need to
I sneak out just to get away from my house
I try to intentionally hurt myself
I’m the most self-centered bitch when it comes to getting attention
But at least I’d try to do anything for you just to see you smile
All I want is for you to be happy
And for me to be able to call you mine
My soul cries out to be with a virgin…
But am I too much of a slut for you?
Because I’m sick of this lie that I attempt live
Because this lie keeps trying to kill me
With my past mistakes and regrets I pretend to not have
My soul cries out to be with a virgin
Because it’s so worn from all the past relationships
Speeding through them like an ambulance driving down the highway
It’s so beat up from moving too quickly
Losing the clothes and the innocence before I can even blink.
My soul cries out to be with a virgin
And not just a virgin in the way you think
A virgin that doesn’t know the past I try to hide
I have skeletons in the closet that make me even squirm
My soul cries out to be with the boy that has those deep brown eyes
It screams in agony every time he tries to shut me out
Thank god only I could hear it, because I think that might disturb some people…
My life seems to be ruled by my body’s desires and other’s problems…
But I seem to be able to control myself when I’m with him
Maybe it’s because he seems so distant
I keep trying to reel him in, but he just keeps reclusing back into himself…
And who has time to even think about fucking when you’re just trying to get him to talk to you?
My heart aches for him, and I don’t even know why
Maybe it’s because he reminds me of the best friend that I can’t have in that way
Maybe it’s because of his love for music, the way he gets so passionate about it
Maybe it’s because he’s so fucking withdrawn into himself that I want to see if I can even get him out
Maybe it’s because he’s the first one that said HE didn’t want to hurt ME
Maybe it’s because he actually understood that I could hurt HIM
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy…
But aren’t we all?
Why can’t I get over him like I can with all the rest?
Why can’t I just forget about him?
Why can’t I continue breathing until I know he’s still talking to me?
Why can’t I just leave him alone?
Why can’t I just stop trying to help him?
Why? Can you tell me that?
Because my best friend sure can’t…
And I feel so bad for continuing to keep on dragging her into this
She shouldn’t have to deal with my problems
She shouldn’t have to watch me in pain,
She shouldn’t have to try to care
Not after she tried so hard NOT to care about him
All just so I could be happy…
What is it about him that just makes me keep on going?
Why does his brown skin and long dark hair make my head go crazy?
Why does my heart speed up every time I see him?
Why does his voice always make a smile creep on my lips?
Why do I find his gaze so…
Contradicting is what you are to me when you say you can’t stand to be around people
But then you say you can’t see me because you want to spend time with family
Family…
I understand the importance of it
But does it have to rule so many aspects of your life?
Can I not even have a sliver of it?
Or better yet, even spend time with your family WITH you?
That’s it that I want…
To be next to you when I feel myself falling
To be able to touch you when I find myself bending and breaking under the stress
To be able to hold you when I see YOU fighting with yourself…
All I want to do is help you…
All I want is for you to understand that I’m right here
What is it that makes you so badly want to shut yourself out from me?
I’m not going to try to hurt you…
I know I’m not the most perfect person out there
I lie and I cheat and I double cross when I think I need to
I sneak out just to get away from my house
I try to intentionally hurt myself
I’m the most self-centered bitch when it comes to getting attention
But at least I’d try to do anything for you just to see you smile
All I want is for you to be happy
And for me to be able to call you mine
My soul cries out to be with a virgin…
But am I too much of a slut for you?