Mixed Signals
If I write about someone. Another asumes its theirs. The bad words chosen stung my heart and ears to listen.
What you did will never change you, but only me. "Get over it, it happend long ago. Don't get mad now!?" Was spoken.
I cringe at your voice, but sigh in relief? I trusted you, I wont believe it was you. I go on with my life though, pure hatred deep down. I hide it with a fake smile plastered on my face.
Then once im expressing my feelings towards him. Another screams in silence.
How? you might ask? Oh silly, through commenting of coarse!
Who would have known comments..silly little words...could bring back such harsh memories?
Reading one of them, I felt my heart being tugged. The memories flashing back into my ead once more.
How could I believe and forgive them.
I just forgive and regret dont i?
It was proven to me more than once,twice, three times.
But i still took the mental abuse, the verbal abuse.
Ive been taking it all my life. No matter what, its all i get from this god forsaken world. It all started out with one person. The person who raised me. the one i depended on.
The druged, wacked out bitch of a mother, thats who it is.
Then to the people that i needed support from.
the backstabbing bitches of friends i once had.
then to the level of invading my own private life from a trusted friend.
does everyone in my life betray me?
All i get from people is "Move on" "It happend so long ago" "Forget your past"
YOU WANT ME TO FORGET MY FUCKIN PAST?!?!!?
My past haunts me! It destroyed my very fuckin soul!
It destroyed my life!
It destroyed me.
It made me do things i regret but still do. I get more anger,concern, and disapointment that way. I dont need it anymore.
If i lose another, im gone. Im getting mixed signals from all.
If i forgive; it turns to sarcasm,lies, and then feeling of akward and unforfillingness with that person.
I swear. If i loose another, dont expect to see me in this town again. But hey!
Im just you average teenage girl.
Right?
Who lets her heart and soul out on this keybord. too bad its one of the few things keeping her sane.
What you did will never change you, but only me. "Get over it, it happend long ago. Don't get mad now!?" Was spoken.
I cringe at your voice, but sigh in relief? I trusted you, I wont believe it was you. I go on with my life though, pure hatred deep down. I hide it with a fake smile plastered on my face.
Then once im expressing my feelings towards him. Another screams in silence.
How? you might ask? Oh silly, through commenting of coarse!
Who would have known comments..silly little words...could bring back such harsh memories?
Reading one of them, I felt my heart being tugged. The memories flashing back into my ead once more.
How could I believe and forgive them.
I just forgive and regret dont i?
It was proven to me more than once,twice, three times.
But i still took the mental abuse, the verbal abuse.
Ive been taking it all my life. No matter what, its all i get from this god forsaken world. It all started out with one person. The person who raised me. the one i depended on.
The druged, wacked out bitch of a mother, thats who it is.
Then to the people that i needed support from.
the backstabbing bitches of friends i once had.
then to the level of invading my own private life from a trusted friend.
does everyone in my life betray me?
All i get from people is "Move on" "It happend so long ago" "Forget your past"
YOU WANT ME TO FORGET MY FUCKIN PAST?!?!!?
My past haunts me! It destroyed my very fuckin soul!
It destroyed my life!
It destroyed me.
It made me do things i regret but still do. I get more anger,concern, and disapointment that way. I dont need it anymore.
If i lose another, im gone. Im getting mixed signals from all.
If i forgive; it turns to sarcasm,lies, and then feeling of akward and unforfillingness with that person.
I swear. If i loose another, dont expect to see me in this town again. But hey!
Im just you average teenage girl.
Right?
Who lets her heart and soul out on this keybord. too bad its one of the few things keeping her sane.