From First to One Thousand, Six Hundred Thirty-Third

FIRST TIME i saw you
you were just another face with a name attached to it with a little string, like the label on a jar of olives or fruit preserves.

SECOND TIME i saw you
that extra second of eye contact, a blink, a single flutter of a butterfly's wing, that was decided against, made years of difference.

THIRD TIME i saw you
i started talking to you, and i liked it, and i liked it, and i liked and liked it.

FOURTH TIME i saw you
i realized i had to change myself if you were gonna keep talking to me. hey, no problem. consider it done.

FIFTH TIME i saw you
i was no longer me, but you seemed to like it, so i began to believe that the me that wasn't, actually was. and so i became...

SIXTH TIME i saw you
anything you said, i would echo for you, oh-so-willing. i molded, carved, welded and burned away my mind to serve as your tape recorder.

SEVENTH TIME i saw you
you started keeping me up at night, staring into the rich, velvet, palpable darkness, every inch feverish and waiting for you to manifest.

EIGHTH TIME i saw you
i started imagining the most fantastical conservations between us, conservations that would never happen save for trapped inside my febrile mind.

NINTH TIME i saw you
i finally admitted to myself that i had it for you, and bad, too, but you would never know and you never knew.

FIFTY-SIXTH TIME
was when i could finally sleep again at night.

SEVENTY-THIRD TIME
was when you stopped pulsing through my dreams.

ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-NINTH TIME
was when i finally got myself back.

TWO HUNDRED FIFTEENTH TIME
was when my heart stopped bursting when you laughed at something i said.

TWO HUNDRED NINETY-SECOND TIME
was when i stopped looking at you just for the sake of looking at you.

SIX HUNDRED FIFTY-FOURTH TIME i saw you
you were more than just another face with a name attached to it with a little string, like the label on a jar of olives or fruit preserves. but not much more.

ONE THOUSAND, SIX HUNDRED THIRTY-THIRD TIME i thought about you
i smiled sadly and shook my head.
it was me, not you. all of it was me.

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comments! always good to have those.
if you've got criticism, try not to make it that harsh...first time i've wrote about this since three years ago...