Is It Okay If I Wear Black?
And no, no, I still don’t blame you for leaving
But please, please, forgive me if I keep on sleeping.
And I knew, from the beginning, that it was going to be hard
But I just wish that we were back at the start.
You’ve changed your verdict about me, everything has changed
And it’s selfish, I know, but why can’t it just all stay the same?
First impressions don’t last forever and I fell flat on my face
And you….you destroyed all of my grace.
I suppose it’s my fault for showing my true colours
But I thought once you’d promised that you wouldn’t have any other.
I guess I foolishly thought that you wouldn’t go back on your word
When I stopped pretending and came to the real world.
Holding paramour for the girl that I never was and never will be
And I’m sorry if I’m not as perfect as her, I am truly sorry.
Because you just meant too much to me and now you’re making me cry
I want you to love me without making me try.
And even on the days when I go back to Miss Illusory
Still, you hold no passion, no interest, no longing for me.
I dress in skimpy clothes; I play piano, I am a girly punk
And still, you never give me a second look.
I spout prose, I lie about my musical skills, I even fake my speech
I tell you I’m an infamous wild child in cherry chapstick whenever we meet.
And sometimes, when I reach the edge of desperation, I listen to your favourite songs
And even if I hate them, I nod my head and sing along.
Something has shifted; something has raised its head
Did I hold on to you for too long, was I too protective, too jumpy at what you said?
Was I too dumb, too simple, too simpering, too flattering, and too obvious?
Or was I maybe too young, too strange, too oblivious?
I fell for you and it’s clear now you were not willing to catch me
Even from the start, with all those promises that only I could see.
I blinded myself to betrayal and apologised for my jealousy
When you were the one who was acting outrageously.
And now I don’t wince when you insult who I am
I only scream at myself, for loosing something I should never have had.
I know that in my downward spiral, I lost everything close and true
And now I see, all I need is you.
I would cut off my breathing before I ever rested the blame on your shoulders
How can I, with your sweet skin, that infectious laugh, and those eyes that smoulder?
It is me-I am the plight that has caused this laceration in our tower
It was all my fault, somehow, and now it’s all over.
You’ve changed your mind about me and it’s not your fault
I am the one who should feel the guilt.
It is me-there is something wrong in me that make us fight and break up
Is there something in you that will help us kiss and make up?
I find I’m nervous whenever I have to speak to you
Because after pushing forward my hope, after believing it to be true.
I am waiting for my heart to be hurt once again by your unbearable words
Directed to your ‘gorgeous, beautiful, naughty, incredible girl’.
And you gave me so much more than you ever thought
And every word you gave me shone, no matter how seemingly small.
And every heartbeat I wasted was drawn with you in my head
And now every one of your heartbeats just conjures up dread.
You were beautiful to me-you were my life source, the centre of all
And it all imploded and you witnessed the fall.
I gave you all of me; I scarified and now things are scary and new
And I’m frightened to say you’re not the person I knew.
What did I do that was wrong, what test did I fail?
Am I too tall, am I too childish, am I too brawly, too pale?
Don’t tell me I’m lovely because one day you might mean it again
And it will break my heart and your lie will make me insane.
Because it must be false, when you used to say I was yours
I am not now: you promised me forever and it was forged.
What have I done, did I start to act like a stranger, did I distance myself or lie?
Or was I overprotective-was I too insufferable to pass by?
There was no warning, things just altered and now I’m tired
Of pretending to be the girl that you wanted, of being your-once loved liar.
It may have been deceiving but I had you in mind, to make you happy
It was a sacrifice, but your joy still means everything to me.
I am still bound by you-you have moved on and transformed
You are still smiling, but its not mine and I am forlorn.
You have pulled away, let go-you have lived without me and grown
But I find it difficult to follow, when I am alone.
I should really stop believing
But still, I am stubborn there is a chance of retrieving.
Patience and time can heal any wound, sew up any heart
Make the foolish boy realise he cannot live apart.
My head is aching with the dream that you might return
You might crumble without me, come back and learn.
And I do everything with the hope that you might again be mine
It might be like what it was, and everything will be fine.
But still, you are passed and things will never be the same
I find it hard to move on, I am unwilling to change.
I still seek your approval, in case time can go back
Am I pretty enough now; is it okay if I wear black?
But please, please, forgive me if I keep on sleeping.
And I knew, from the beginning, that it was going to be hard
But I just wish that we were back at the start.
You’ve changed your verdict about me, everything has changed
And it’s selfish, I know, but why can’t it just all stay the same?
First impressions don’t last forever and I fell flat on my face
And you….you destroyed all of my grace.
I suppose it’s my fault for showing my true colours
But I thought once you’d promised that you wouldn’t have any other.
I guess I foolishly thought that you wouldn’t go back on your word
When I stopped pretending and came to the real world.
Holding paramour for the girl that I never was and never will be
And I’m sorry if I’m not as perfect as her, I am truly sorry.
Because you just meant too much to me and now you’re making me cry
I want you to love me without making me try.
And even on the days when I go back to Miss Illusory
Still, you hold no passion, no interest, no longing for me.
I dress in skimpy clothes; I play piano, I am a girly punk
And still, you never give me a second look.
I spout prose, I lie about my musical skills, I even fake my speech
I tell you I’m an infamous wild child in cherry chapstick whenever we meet.
And sometimes, when I reach the edge of desperation, I listen to your favourite songs
And even if I hate them, I nod my head and sing along.
Something has shifted; something has raised its head
Did I hold on to you for too long, was I too protective, too jumpy at what you said?
Was I too dumb, too simple, too simpering, too flattering, and too obvious?
Or was I maybe too young, too strange, too oblivious?
I fell for you and it’s clear now you were not willing to catch me
Even from the start, with all those promises that only I could see.
I blinded myself to betrayal and apologised for my jealousy
When you were the one who was acting outrageously.
And now I don’t wince when you insult who I am
I only scream at myself, for loosing something I should never have had.
I know that in my downward spiral, I lost everything close and true
And now I see, all I need is you.
I would cut off my breathing before I ever rested the blame on your shoulders
How can I, with your sweet skin, that infectious laugh, and those eyes that smoulder?
It is me-I am the plight that has caused this laceration in our tower
It was all my fault, somehow, and now it’s all over.
You’ve changed your mind about me and it’s not your fault
I am the one who should feel the guilt.
It is me-there is something wrong in me that make us fight and break up
Is there something in you that will help us kiss and make up?
I find I’m nervous whenever I have to speak to you
Because after pushing forward my hope, after believing it to be true.
I am waiting for my heart to be hurt once again by your unbearable words
Directed to your ‘gorgeous, beautiful, naughty, incredible girl’.
And you gave me so much more than you ever thought
And every word you gave me shone, no matter how seemingly small.
And every heartbeat I wasted was drawn with you in my head
And now every one of your heartbeats just conjures up dread.
You were beautiful to me-you were my life source, the centre of all
And it all imploded and you witnessed the fall.
I gave you all of me; I scarified and now things are scary and new
And I’m frightened to say you’re not the person I knew.
What did I do that was wrong, what test did I fail?
Am I too tall, am I too childish, am I too brawly, too pale?
Don’t tell me I’m lovely because one day you might mean it again
And it will break my heart and your lie will make me insane.
Because it must be false, when you used to say I was yours
I am not now: you promised me forever and it was forged.
What have I done, did I start to act like a stranger, did I distance myself or lie?
Or was I overprotective-was I too insufferable to pass by?
There was no warning, things just altered and now I’m tired
Of pretending to be the girl that you wanted, of being your-once loved liar.
It may have been deceiving but I had you in mind, to make you happy
It was a sacrifice, but your joy still means everything to me.
I am still bound by you-you have moved on and transformed
You are still smiling, but its not mine and I am forlorn.
You have pulled away, let go-you have lived without me and grown
But I find it difficult to follow, when I am alone.
I should really stop believing
But still, I am stubborn there is a chance of retrieving.
Patience and time can heal any wound, sew up any heart
Make the foolish boy realise he cannot live apart.
My head is aching with the dream that you might return
You might crumble without me, come back and learn.
And I do everything with the hope that you might again be mine
It might be like what it was, and everything will be fine.
But still, you are passed and things will never be the same
I find it hard to move on, I am unwilling to change.
I still seek your approval, in case time can go back
Am I pretty enough now; is it okay if I wear black?