Falling Up

Maybe you'll never understand
the way I dress, the way I look
You act like you can read my life
Like an open book.

You whisper behind my back
"She cuts her wrists, she wants to die"
But only you can wonder
"Can she feel pain? Can she cry?"

I cry out in pain
As I walk to my room
God, wouldn't it be nice
If I could end this doom?

It's just that easy.
I just use my knife
I simply cut too deep
and end this fucking life

I sit on the floor
&my wrists kiss the blade
It isn't long before
I feel my heartbeat fade...

The powders thicken my hallucinations
These thoughts are not mine
but the wonders of smoke inundate
As I succumb to my secret shrine

Wouldn't it be nice?
Just to cut too deep?
I want them to know these thoughts,
but thoughts they cannot keep.

It slips.
The red tears emerge and stream
Streams, yes...rivers...?
"OF BLOOD" I scream.

No one will hear
I was never given a voice
It still doesn't have a sound
You left me with one choice...

I know I'm dying.
I'll leave them a note
Watch your eyes open in astonishment
Once you see what I wrote

Along my wrists it said:
"Parents, you will never know
what it was to be like me,
following in your undertow"

Down my stomach it read:
"Love, you won't miss me.
The only thing you ever spared
was a blade to kiss me."

Engraved on my legs:
"Peers, I write to you in a hurry,
For who will be your scapegoat now?
When you're blinded by fury?"

Next thing I know,
I'm falling
With the sky on the ground
and hell dangerously calling

Oxygen grants me one last thought
Which I murmer aloud
My voice will become
The last sound...

"Do I really want this?
Is this really my last choice?"
And with my last breath,
I finally found my voice.

One more staggerish inhale
And I force out this last breath
"I DON'T WANT...to...d--"
And then I hit death.

Falling up,
My face smacks the ground
My mind's stuck in hell,
but my soul's in the clouds.