Broken Deal

I close my eyes
And sigh deeply
You broke the deal
But it might be my fault

I made a deal with the devil
But look where I am
I am still here
In this hellhole paradise

I did the deed
Slit my wrist
It should’ve been enough
But I guess not

The pain is bearable
The realization isn’t

The blood is a symbol
Symbol of what?
The fact I can see it
Is a sign I am not dead

Where’s the burning fire?
It seems to only be in my wrist
My head
My memories

Memories of him
Of the pain
Of the happiness
Now gone

Whatever gain
Now lost

Now I hear the door slam
Footsteps running up
Cheers of joy
Between two

They barge inside
Their distant voices
Now silent
Their footsteps non-existent

Their touch
I can’t feel
But I know it’s there
I wish I didn’t

Just because
I know

Disapproval etched on her face
Pain in her tears
Agony in her screams
Love on his touch

A love no longer mine
A love I denied
A love I want
A love I despise

I hate the feeling of being alive
Because living means having a life
And right now
My life is in his hands

I love it
And I hate that I do