What I used to be

I used to be able to smile
And the smile not hurt me the more I had it plastered across my face
I used to be able to laugh
And not have to focus on if the people around me were convinced or not
I used to be able to Love And not cry afterwards
Another thing I can't do is cry
I noticed that when I didn't feel the pain dripping to the floor
I used to be as naive as any child who didn't already figure the world out
But now I am lifelessly awaiting one of 2 things
To either die or to find the happiness that left me like this