Land of make believe - Comments

wowness. i likes this muchly :)

haha kay ^^
thanks for the constructive criticism (Y)
I'll think about what you just said when I write chapter nr 2.

Well, its written well and there's no grammar mistakes. But to be honest, you used a whole verse of City of the Dead like, in one block. I think you should have kind of spread it out into one paragraph. Show, don't tell.

As for the chapter, it seems a little cliche, with the weird mom and all and the stupid old teacher.

I like some of your descriptions quite a bit, though so =D