Twenty Years Of Insomnia - Comments

This is so beautiful, I haven't even got the words. I will admit, though, that I was waiting for a terribly clichéd ending, but I was surprised. This is really strong and powerful; I love it.

You fucking ran away, like you always do, covering your own arse at the expense of everyone else. I love how angry the opening is. Seriously. I’s so spiteful and perfect. Love. Love. Love it!

I like how the narrator goes on about not being able to get the dirt off and never being able to get clean. It’s kind of powerful and kind of really sad. And how they go on about their how messy the bed is and their insomnia. It’s really weirdly depressing stuff that the readers can relate to in many ways.

I love how the narrator goes on about how much they wish they could forget him and about how horrible and cheep his stench was. It’s incredible powerful and so very bitter.

I’m loving the questions, Does it hurt you? Does it hurt you to know about this train crash you've left behind? Does it hurt you to know that I can't live anymore? To know that you've broken me? They’re so powerful and just make the reader gulp and think.

I love how bitter and angry the rest of this is. The narrator hates him, you can tell. They hate him with every bone in their body and every breath that they breath. I love how they hate to admit that they still love him after all of this pain and anger he’s caused. It just makes this piece even more amazing then it was in the first place.

OMFG! I almost did cry! And I swear I would've if I wasn't sitting in my dad's office right now!

My favorite line, 'And you'd shed a solitary tear under the stars and it would fall to the grey stones of the pavement in silence.'. It's beautifully written and powerful.
You've written about insomnia in such a unique and different way and I really like it. Usually when reading or thinking about insomnia, there isn't a real reason behind it. But you've created a whole story line behind it, little details that really strike and probe at the reader's mind.
The anger and sadness shines bright in this story, the emotion seeping from the words.
It's a lovely piece or work dear.

I really liked this.

Goodness me! It was amazing. Can't belive you're 15. XD Too bad I'm 15 also. I thought I could write. . .not anymore. Two thumbs up!

Wow,
Youre an amazing writer.
That made me want to cry xD

For The Story Review Game

You fucking ran away, like you always do, covering your own arse at the expense of everyone else. I can't believe I thought for just that one moment that you'd changed; that this time was different

This was a great line opener. It makes you wonder why "you" ran away and why this person changed.

The light flickers again, and suddenly, I'm there. I'm in a service station bathroom in Heaven knows where and the light is flickering and all I can see is my reflection.

But it isn't me, it's you.

I love this line it adds drama to the narrator's obsession with the unnamed person he or she is talking about.

Does it hurt you? Does it hurt you to know about this train crash you've left behind? Does it hurt you to know that I can't live anymore? To know that you've broken me?

Though this line is a bit cliched I love the comparison to the train crash!

Overall I love the imagery and the emotions you put in this story

Great job Tallis ;)