Loved it! It's got a good start I'm excited to see what's going to happen :) And A Walk to Remember is one of my favorite books so that makes me even more anxious for this story haha more soon :)
I'm back my dear and I have what you wants: COMMENTS! I'll get right into it now, my dear. And don't you worry, I won't abandon this story.
Chapter Two
Then there were churches in Franklin, Church of Christ, St. Francis Catholic Church, First Baptist Church, and Resurrection Lutheran Church, Grace Presbyterian Church, Holly Springs Baptist Church, St. John’s Episcopal Church and you get the idea. I noticed a slight error within this paragraph, or rather, a minor error that just makes it sound a bit better. After the "First Baptist Church, and..." Also - I didn't realize you knew so many churches?
We were still friends, most of the time. It's such a sad fate to see that happen to a person; I hope he bounces back a lot happier.
The pastor of First Presbyterian, Rev. Caedmon Matthew Collins, or Rev. Matt Collins, was an ok guy. Hun, just a little advice, don't use the abbreviated "ok" it makes this work sound as though someone with a "chidish" mind was writing this. I'll be nice to you this once - but for future reference - NEVER USE "OK". I mean it's "alright" if this guy was "ok" but use bigger words, broaden your mind. If you use Microsoft Word for your work, may I suggest using the thesaurus it has to offer under the "Tools>Language>Thesaurus"
A thesaurus gives you reference to a word similar to "ok", for instance, "reasonable", "acceptable". If you want more just look on Microsft Word under my directions. I'm not trying to be harsh here at, and if I appear that way; I'm sorry, I'm just trying to help you write better.
But then I saw the boots and red skirt and knew it was real, Kadence was in my drama class and I was screwed. That's a terrible thing to say about young lady, Mr. Lutz; I advise you to learn better language, Mr. Lutz. Tsk, tsk.
Chapter 3
Why does the 3rd chapter start with the end of the second chapter? It's completely unnecessary to see that happen, and if it were to appear atleast add a "Last Chapter Review" or something before it and break them up from the third chapter.
“Oh no, I was just noticing your piano, I didn’t know you played.” You have me confused. When you say "I was just noticing your piano" Did you perhaps mean: "I was admiring you play piano"? I did get a bit confused there, love.
“How about we alternate days, like on Monday and Friday we practice singing and Tuesday and Thursday we practice acting. On Saturdays, we will practice both. Does that sound good to you?” Does Wednesday fit into their schedule along the way or is there no Wednesday in the calendar anymore? Just thought I'd point it out for you, my dear.
She finally sat down on the couch in front of the window. When she sat down, I swear the sun made her look radiant like an angel but brushed off that thought. That poor child, being "brushed off" like that. You stupid boy, pay attention to her "radiant like-angel body".
I'm sorry I had to dictate a lot of mistakes, but I think if you took some advice and reworked with this story you can become a great author. But I do not want you to be discouraged, my dear; you have quite a lovely story going already.
I absoultely adore the summary dear, even though I wish to know more of what is to be expected of this story.
Chapter One
2048 Wow; it's set in 2048, atleast 30 years more than our time. I'm most intrigued by how everything plays out from there.
When I was 18, my life changed forever, I know people say that all the time but for most of them, it was the age when they “became an adult” or “went off to school and said goodbye to my parents forever.” I don't know anyone who says that but maybe you know different people than I do. But I do wonder what she means when she is not like the previous description.
Because I have lived here for most of my life, I feel like I don’t have to explain myself and my story much. Please explain your story, love. I also couldn't help but notice that you sort of did go on to explain her story, in a paragraph.
I am nearing 60, but I can still remember that year as though I were still living it. Wow; I wonder why she still feels as if she was living in the past in a certain memory? I couldn't help but notice you haven't told us their name yet...
There are moments when I wish I could take away the sadness but then I realized that without the sadness of it, I would have never experienced the joy as well. I've wanted to the same on many occasions, but as you've stated: "I would never have experienced the joy as well."
I see the mountains of North Carolina from that porch and it makes me realize all over again why I love Franklin. I love nostalgic moments, they're so amazing and surrene, almost surreal.
I am Kellan Christopher Lutz, I am 17 years old. This is my story, I promise to leave nothing out. First you will smile, and then you will cry don’t say you haven’t been warned. And there is the long awaited name. It sounds lovely; I wonder who they are.
This sounds to be off on a good start but for now this is all I can review. I will continue reviewing-at the latest-tomorrow, Monday. I hope you enjoy writing this story because I would much rather see this lift off and develop into a beautiful story darling!
If it's any consolation for my bad, small review tomorrow I will bring out an extra long review with both your 2nd and 3rd chapter!
You have to write more SOON!!!
It's great!