Too Many Doses And I'm Starting To Get An Attraction! - Comments

Hi,
I am just going to give you a few pointers. I mean I'm not that great of a author myself but there are somethings that are just nagging at the back of my head as I read this story. I couldn't get past the fourth chapter because of the grammar. THIS is a good site for Grammar and Spell-checking it has come in handy for me quite a bit since I've started writing.

Your plot has a good main idea, but everything is so smashed together the story is moving way to fast for anyone to actually get a grip on whats going on. I may be the only one who feels this way but I'm just giving criticism. Most people don't like to read stories in script form, some do but not many. Your font is absolutely ginormous >_< LOL. Thats okay though, I'm practically blind.

Uhhh, other than that maybe elongate your chapters add more detail. Like add dates for each person do little tests for them to do and who ever wins gets a date or is free from elimination or something? IDK lol Just suggestions.

xoxo Marissa

perfection as always

damn you im all agitated now!

JIMMYKINS!

Jimmy stays...but what if he is sent home and sneaks back to be with Sam? Hmmmm interesting

Anyways, after my monster of a comment, it's probably obvious by my profile who I want to stay. I want Billy to stay...no, who the hell am I kidding? JIMMY NEEDS TO STAY, SAMMEH!

I'm sorry, but I really don't like this story. It's not like you don't have a good idea with it or anything, but the writing style is too hard for me to get into. You write in second person ("you") and there's a reason most writers don't use that style: it's hard for the reader to get into. Also, when someone says something, you don't use quotes, you put their name and then what they said. It's incredibly hard for me to read. And one last thing that I wanted to mention is in chapter two; you started writing in first person with Muriel ("I"), and then switched it to second person ("you") a couple of sentences in. Honestly, I see a lot of potential in this story, but it's just too hard for me to read. Your ideas are great, and your plot line is epic, but the style is the only problem I have with it. I'm sorry.

Hahahaha ok works for me. Yep I would melt into the floor right then and there. Whoo go girl.

mhmm you have gotta be my next baby momma

I so see an ass kicking coming. At least you haven't kicked off anyone I will kill you over yet.LOL Update. Bitch is back and I'm a demanding one!

OMG please keep working on it. i love it! Jimmy is always my favorite a7x boy. RIP JIMMY
you rock!

ooooooooooo who goes home next it's like vh1 in my computer screen

Um I say Rich Luzzi to go and also Tyrese Gibson (oh god I think I got their names right!)
LOVING the story so far girl!!
<3 you!

shelby says she is kicking your ass for sending Andy home.LOL Least you kept my Mabbers boy. LOVED it.

how dareth you teaseth me in such a way lol 1700's
i think alex gaskarth jyrik69 and dax shepard should leave
-love kalisweetblood cuz she loved you first

TYrese, Dax and Billy....You leave my Mabbers in there for a while. hehehehehe

It's been changed now :P

LOVE it. Only sweetie...I think that is Alex and not Jack. We will talk later.

yaaaaaaaaaaaay i cant wait until the next update c:
-love kali sweetblood cuz she loves you

Fixed it lol.