Wow I love your story! And that pic with Matt only in a towel freaking made my jaw fall!!! 'I was like holy shit! That's on a freaking towel!!!' Wow I gotta say this story has very much caught my attention!!!!!!!! PLEASE UPDATE SOON AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! XD
I know this can have potential. And the story line seems decent. But there are fair amount of grammatical errors you may want to fix, because it is rather difficult to read, along with putting paragraphs. For some people - myself included - it is a turn off for stories when there is no paragraphs and a lot of grammatical errors.
Chapter one:
Her eyes opened slowly,letting her brown orbs adjust to the anoying light seeping through the baby blue curtains.A small,warm body was cuddled against her side,tiny arms wrapped around her neck,the soft breath tickling her.She swallowed a giggle at the sight of her best friend`s beautiful son and stretched her arms in the air,careful not to wake up the little angel sleeping next to her.The little boy stirred in his sleep,murmuring something under his breath,making her freeze for a moment,afraid that she`d woken him up.
It should look like:
Her eyes opened slowly, letting her brown orbs adjust to the annoying light seeping through the baby blue curtains. A small, warm body was cuddled against her side, tiny arms wrapped around her neck, the soft breath tickling her. She swallowed a giggle at the sight of her best friend's beautiful son and stretched her arms in the air, careful not to wake up the little angel sleeping next to her. The little boy stirred in his sleep, murmuring something under his breath, making her freeze for a moment, afraid that she'd woken him up.
Annoying was spelt wrong as well.
And you may want to re-read for spelling errors, or use spell check in the top left hand corner when you go to post. I won't edit the whole chapter, that was just an example of what it should look like. :)
It looks pretty good so far. I would recommend putting spaces in after your commas, periods, exclamation points, etc. It makes it easier to read and like the others have said, paragraphs and quotations. But keep up the good work(:
I think the concept is good, and I'll add it to my favorites to check it out if you put it in paragraph form with quotations, but it's too hard for me to read it completely as is right now. I do like the idea however, and I'm going to put it on my favorites to check back sometime and see if it's in paragraph form. ^_^
i like the concept, it's got a ton of potential to be amazing. i only got through the first chapter cause ihave to go to school, but i loved it. A little piece of advice, Paragraphs are your friend. lol, also, when someone talks, it makes life a lot easier to use qutation marks..