Sherry McGavin and the Sixth Reich - Comments

Aw, it's been so long since an update!

I hope to God that you're still working on this, missy, because this was my most favourite thing of yours.

Nyaw, I feel so bad for Greg and how much Sherry belittles him. XD He's just so pathetic how he puts up with being mistreated that it is hilarious. I love how she compared them both to planets and Greg is "obviously Pluto" because he is so small, lmao.

I MISS THIS STORY!
I hope you update more often. <3

Yes for new updates!

Though it was short, it was full of just as much wit and satire as any of the other chapters. And you could say that the structure was aiding the meaning of the story... I'm going to stop analyzing now xD

Greg WOULD be from Pluto though... oh goodness xD It's almost sad how much he gets made fun of really. For some reason, he kind of reminds me of Elmer Fud... no idea why though.

I also didn't see any typos, so that's good. I wish I had more to say, but that's all I've got tonight.

Summary
publishes the propeganda novel - propaganda.

After the sucess of her first work Sherry began an - begins - because it flows with the tense you've used. Like, you've used publishes, discusses...etc, and began throws it all off. :)

And I'll just say, I've read this summary three/four times now, on different days, and the more I read it, the more I completely believe that Sherry McGavin is a real person.

Foreward
(This is more of a question,) somewhere deep in the Ukraine was the purposely put there? Because if it was, then I think it's quite good in regards to Sherry. It's almost as if she knows there's an existence of a Ukraine in the world - but it's not too important to her, at all. Just like her attitude with the 'ese.' I thought that was rather good. :)

From The Womb To Washington
whisky - here's a little something, and it's probably totally nitpicky of me, but it might serve as something, or not. Whisky is Scottish English and whiskey is Hiberno-English. So, I think what this comes down to is the fact...is Sherry McGavin influenced by states which had Scottish influence, or Irish influence? This may totally sound really nitpicky, but it threw me off because I thought you forgot the 'e.'

First Born Son to Second Born Daughter - this just be the way I read it, but Sherry considered herself to be an equal to a son kinda thing?

I quite like how you've written about the sibling's relationships. It's very amusing and definitely helps with Sherry's personality and what could be expected to come within the next bunch of chapters.

He (Sieg) Hailed From Kentucky
I was seventeen when I found my first love. I was seventeen - repetition for the sake of Sherry's character?

Maybe my memory’s gone a bit hazy but I doubt that as well considering memory loss is a frequent side affect of aging. - I really like this line, because you read it once and think, bro, you are aging, so you stop and wonder if it needs correction. But then you read it again, and it makes a lot of sense with her character. Of course she's not aging, she's Sherry McGavin...she doesn't age. Anyway, I thought that was rather neat, and written rather well. :)

and with out - without

Luckily, approximately twenty years later the tragic and - you should also put a comma after 'later,' it's like what you've done in the next chapter, a fairytale or, more accurately, a young girl.

A Quarter of a Foot Only Sounds Big
as opposed to charmed and flabbergasted by such a romantic coincidence and obvious reflection of our destiny. - I also like this, because it can be read in different ways that compliment Sherry's character. Like, it could be sarcastic, flimsy, base`...or it could have just been said for the sake of saying, and it still sounds like her.

He was incredible unattractive; - incredibly

When people ask my why - me

hit it of with - off

Genuine Terry Cloth
On the evening of his arrival My Incredibly - arrival, My

He had money, I had genitals – we were a match made in heaven. - another good line, very much so complimenting Sherry. :)

for reasons that were at the time unclear - were, at the time, unclear

speech and was drowning his sorrows in corned beef and cabbage and, seeing as he was twenty one and I was twenty five, I took it upon myself to claim rights to his legal guardianship and took him under my wing. - Read that aloud to yourself, because there's an awkwardness in it, and I'd offer a suggestion of change but I'm not entirely sure what could be missing, but there's definitely something in there, and was drowning his sorrows, It just doesn't flow on from the previous words in the sentence.

on the couch watching TV - to watch TV - having 'ing' doesn't make it read/flow as good.

You've written in Patty instead of Paddy and I was going to let it slip, because a lot of writers do it...but you wrote Paddy in the next few sentences. So, if you're going to use Patty, use it more often as well, so it looks legit, rather than something that's never going to be used again.

lot more since as - sense

I really quite like this. I think you've got a wonderful character, and I can see how you've got to be in a Sherry mood to write her story. I like how some of the things you've written appear to be controversial, but it's so good because it's all intended because that's who Sherry is and what she does. What I also do like is how I can sit there and read and have a bit of a chuckle and think how outrageous and amusing this all is. :) It's very good. :)

I'm still in love with this story.

I like how in chapter four it seems as if you're going to imply that Greg is a powerful guy because of Sherry talking about women being attracted to strong men - but then you completely turn it around and say that she likes him for the opposite reason. Also how you reversed roles and made Greg the homemaker and Sherry the "wild oats sowing" kind of gal.

LOL at Patrick Fitzpatrick. What an amazing name. XD

Haha I love the thing about kicking the "ugly guy" out and you think she's talking about Dan, but it's actually just some guy in the other room while she masturbated. Oh, classic Sherry.

I actually like that this one was a little longer. I <3 long chapters.

Sherry's just as good as ever. Can't wait to read more!

All I can say is LULZ

Sherry's voice is amazing as usual. While I enjoyed a longer chapter, this one seemed a little too jumpy. IDK... it just didn't seem to flow quite as well as the other chapters do. That was the only thing I can really point out that might require improvement, the rest of it was great as always. Especially the ending line xD

It's like watching a train wreck, you just can't look away. It's a good thing you hook the reader that way, though, as Sherry is an incredibly unsympathetic character. She's also well thought out, though, and her voice is present throughout the chapters posted. She absolutely oozes narcissism and she's very witty, which is perfect for anyone in the business of radical propaganda.

Looking forward to an update.

Everything about this is just so hilariously witty. I love Sherry as a character; she's so developed and just real. Even if she does say stuff that's kind of shocking, it's funny as hell. xD

*is upset by a lack of comments*

I've had this story on my subscription list for forever and I decided tonight that I would catch up on everything, so I picked this story first. Because I love it. It's so... there, and in your face, and exploding with character. It's amazing.

Oh, and the ending line of chapter four made me laugh. Quite a lot.

I vow to keep up with this story now.

I still adore this story. It flows so smoothly, the narration is perfect – I can hear Sherry's voice in my head loud and clear - and the humour never seems forced. This is such a refreshing read compared to most things you see on Mibba.

The titles of chapters one and two cracked me up before I even began reading them. You know that's a good sign, haha. My favourite line would have to be about her losing her virginity to her stepfather at the tender age of 16. The way she says it is so nonchalant and that's what I love about the character of Sherry; she can say the most shocking and offensive things but it never feels like it's done simply to sound that way, but because it's who she is.

My only criticisms would be about punctuation. I think you need to go back and re-read a few things out loud just to see how they sound. This sentence I’ve come to refer to him as My Incredibly Good Looking White Supremacist Boyfriend From Kentucky, it really does fit him...such a well put together young or old or middle aged man., for example, could be broken up into two sentences. There should be a period after the word "Kentucky".

Oh and also to watch your spelling. I noticed that you misspelled "methamphetamine" as "methane fed amine", although I'm not sure if that was deliberate on Sherry's behalf or just simply a mistake?

But overall, I'm really enjoying reading this story and I can't wait to read more. I honestly can not get enough of Sherry. She's possibly one of the most well-defined and fleshed out characters I've read on this site.

The layout was okay, I wasn't a big fan of it but whatever.
I really like this and descriptions were lovely and there was no akward places that I could find.
It was very enjoyable to read and well written.
Overall you did a great job. I will have to look out for the next chapter. :)

I thought the overall layout and title was well fitting. I don't know what it was, but I really liked how the beginning started off. The narration was smooth and just the tone was enjoyable to read. The voice was loud and it held that certain spark for any reader to read the next chapter. I can tell that this character is going to be a "character" like all the other great ones you've created before.

xD I've been wanting to read this for a while, and now I have an excuse to do it

Story Review Game!

Layout/Banner: It's very appropriate and simple. It not only keeps the feel of the story, but also the themes of it. The font for the story title is just perfect somehow It's like a faux-royalty sort of font, and it just sort of fits Sherry's personality. I'm probably over analyzing that, but that's the feeling I get from it xD

Chapter One:
"However, for the low price of $49.99 a limited addition hardcover copy of Sherry McGavin and The Sixth Reich can be purchased at participating gun clubs, antique stores and white supremacist websites." That's honestly the best line I can just see it on a stand next to the amunition cases...

"...and if you don’t just keep in mind that no return policy. " I feel like there should be a comma between don't and just I just automatically pause at that spot when I read it.

You can already tell she just oozes narcissism. It's portrayed excellently, though just about everything... the words used, the structure... just everything. It makes her incredibly believeable and real, like this is an actual book that you're reading. Her attitude is just so terrible it's halarious, and you've pulled it off wonderfully.

Chapter Two:
The opening paragraph I think is brilliant. It really exemplifies Sherry's personality and views on life.

I love the double-take lines you use in this chapter, like:
"which, although was intended purely for comedic purpose, wouldn’t have surprised me considering my phobia of both small spaces and commitment."
and:
" Oh how I hated him, because of him I was forced to go from First Born Son to Second Born Daughter and who in their right mind would want a second born daughter?"
I litterally double-took when I read them. They're perfect, "...wait, WHAT?" moments, which not a lot of people can do very well, but you've done with skill.

I'm not sure I like how it ended. I'm sure you have a purpose to it, but I would think that her "childhood" would encompass all of her required school days. But I guess if some very significant event happened in Seattle, then the ending makes sense. I dunno, it just bothers me a little.

Overall:
I love it. It's funny and fresh, and you can certainly make serious topics amusing. You police your grammar, which makes it all easy to read, but the best thing is the voice. The voice you use, Sherry's voice, is clear as a clean window. You can tell lots of things about her just by reading what she wrote, and that's very, very hard to do. I can say that speaking from experiance xD But Sherry's there, she's real, and she's writing this wonderfully self-centered autobiography. Well done :D

Yay!

Hello my avid fans, I can not imagine how honored you must feel to be holding this astounding piece of literature and how excited you must be that I’ve taken time out of my busy schedule to write you - yes, you - this incredible foreword.
I love it. I love it already.

And the pretty layout strikes me as quite humerous, considering it's subject.

I agree with Rocket Queen that you should break this up into at least two paragraphs.

Anyway, I love it and you have an avid subscriber.

This sounds so good, judging by what you have so far. When I was reading through it, I could definitely hear it being said in Sherry's voice. Everything sounds like something she would say. You really have come a very long way in developing this character and making her your own. It's almost if she were alive, you know? Like she's a real person. Her dark sense of humour and quips are just so well developed.. it's very easy to tell you've spent a lot of time building up Sherry's character. And that's very rare for some people to make a creation of theirs seem so incredibly real.

The one criticism I have, however, is breaking up your text so it's not in an entire block of text. It makes it a little easier on the eyes to read the text broken up into paragraphs.

Anyway, thanks for linking me to this, and I can't wait till you start posting more chapters!