Falling Apart to Half Time - Comments

I loved the emotion and imagery used when he ran out of the restaurant, and how he felt so much pain - yet his eyes couldn't produce tears. I was sitting there thinking, you're in shock man. You don't point out the obvious - you leave it for the readers to see if they can pick it up - kind of. :]

I also like how through his shock, anger and frustration comes out - like he's experiencing all the bad emotions in one hit after another. Again, that really makes the story grasp the emotion and convey it all to the readers - even though we're not quite sure what's happened.

Then...I loved the use of the dancing metaphor. I've read it somewhere else before, and I fell in love with it. It takes two to tango. :] I especially love how plots can arise out of it - like it could be one persons fault for taking the wrong step, or it could be both peoples fault for not learning the moves. And in this story, you explore both ideas/issues. At first, it's her fault for cheating - but on a deeper level, it's both of their fault for not putting the right amount of effort and practice into their relationship to perfect their dance.

I also like how you tie that in with the ending, I thought that was rather well done. And I totally agree with it all. It's possibly one of my favourite metaphors, and that's how it should be portrayed - dance partners for live. :]

Plus - I think you wrote the song in well accordance with the lyrics. :]

I agree, the song and the story fit well together. You could have gone with the completely obvious and made it into a sexual story, but you didn't, and I like that.
The dialogue was really convincing, as well. That really stood out to me. Instead of, "Dude!! I am so sorry!! Please forgive me I was wrong" "Ok baby no big deal ilu 4eva" You actually put some work into it.
Hehe, the song references were pretty neat, too. A little cheesy, but well worth the risk.
Thanks for your entry, and good luck! xx

Amazing! :) I loved it!

I loved it.
It was well-written and you seemed to really get the song right with the story. :)