Pure Morning - Comments

  • lonely girl.

    lonely girl. (250)

    :
    Mibba Master
    Gender:
    Age:
    21
    Location:
    Australia
    This piece is short, sweet and has a lovely unexpected turn of events!

    I like how this sets up as your run of the mill romance story, beautiful description of the characters and their relationship to each other (and to others in how they present themselves) and the setting as well. I especially like the line and found that perfect spot where the flowers wouldn’t meet. It really emphasises that this is their field, made just for them.

    I feel like I should have known (given that it's Ian Somerhalder fanfic) and from the references to the male character being "mischievous" that something not quite right, or even romantic, would happen, but I did not expect whatever that ending was. I don't fully understand it, but I feel like it's open to interpretation, and I like that fact. I, unfortunately, seem to have fallen on the morbid "they died" ending, but I feel like it links back to the line perfection comes with a price and highlights the fleetingness of what "perfection" (physical and romantic) may be -- things won't always last, whether that be a perfect relationship or a perfect appearance.

    Anyway, beautiful, quick read and quite the shock! Thank you!
    April 8th, 2019 at 04:31pm
  • Jordypye

    Jordypye (1400)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    23
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Oh my, I did not expect that! This was.. amazing. I'm kind of speechless. I loved everything about this story and then the ending, woah. This is a really well written piece. Well done!
    February 14th, 2014 at 11:19pm
  • The Color Abi

    The Color Abi (300)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    This was just pure beauty in a story.
    Really, it was.
    February 26th, 2012 at 01:54am
  • waves wash

    waves wash (155)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    23
    Location:
    United States
    Yep I have seen couples like that. I liked the one shot.
    Read my drabble Leaving Happy
    September 13th, 2011 at 09:28pm
  • celestial_royalty

    celestial_royalty (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    The diction in the beginning of the story was low- which is fine, although I think the story could have been described more adequately with some higher diction as well. The "he-she" pronouns scattered everywhere would have been completely fine except for the fact that this is meant to be an Ian Somerhalder story. How so? There is nothing that even implies that the male in this story is Ian Somerhalder- it could have been anyone in the world with a muscular male body.

    The story could have been longer, although I do acknowledge that it may be because I favor longer stories. The story seemed to be leading up to something that never quite came. It seemed somewhat introductory.

    The layout and banner match well with the scene in the story and do well to draw an image, allowing a vivid idea of what the scene was like
    March 21st, 2011 at 11:10pm
  • the apex predator;;

    the apex predator;; (150)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United States
    Wait, what, Anna? They were vampires? Where did it imply that? D:
    Were they really?

    I love that "it felt like someone was peeling skin off". That's so...un-poetic. And I love you for that. It's not always flowers and unicorns. XD My friend Shelby was telling me that about sex because I'd written a sex scene and it was horrible. She said it's not like I think it is, that it's rough and hurts and so on and so forth, so I'm glad you didn't make them lie in the flowers and have a grand old time. That was really cool of you to do. :3
    December 12th, 2010 at 03:19am
  • jasonsudekis

    jasonsudekis (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    Germany
    That particular smile meant he was up to no good. This was a great opening line for a lot of reasons. First, it's just enjoyable to read. A man smiling because he's mischievous; it's a good image to put in someone's head. Secondly, it really tuned me in to what the story was about. Just from this line, I can assume that this up-to-no-good man is in love with a woman who knows him well enough to tell between his smiles. I really liked that.

    Perfection comes with a price. I liked this transition a lot. Sometimes, you can smoothly translate and sometimes, you want to put a line like this in there to change the feelings up. I really liked the way this was done.

    He kissed her until the sun rose, and like lasers cut into their skin. This was really another line I dug. You made it so that a feeling we many never be able to understand was more relatable.

    Over all, this was really great. I liked the feeling at the beginning, with them being the couple everyone wanted to be. I think we all know a couple like that, and your language and manner in describing them was really great.

    Then, there was the end. I had no idea they were vampires until the very end and they way you got that in there, with the main event of the story, was really shocking.

    Great job!
    December 11th, 2010 at 11:38pm
  • fun ghoul fez.

    fun ghoul fez. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    Canada
    When I saw the title of this, I knew I had to claim it; I have a slight addiction to that song. But I really, really liked this piece. I didn't expect the ending at all but it was completely and utterly gorgeous. Everything about it was written really well, to be honest. You have this talent for creating beautiful pictures with your words and I am completely envious.

    Lovely. <3
    November 3rd, 2010 at 02:49am
  • hannah michelle

    hannah michelle (150)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United States
    This was awesome. A few errors, but nothing a published book wouldn't have.
    I love how you left there to be more than one possibility. When I read this, I didn't know what to think, which, in this case, can be a good thing. Sometimes I feel you should let people come up with their own conclusions.
    Great job. (:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 05:17am
  • breakfastclub85

    breakfastclub85 (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    Wow. Wow. Wow. That was so beautiful.
    September 13th, 2010 at 12:19am
  • callisto

    callisto (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    24
    Location:
    United States
    I love the layout, but I love every layout of yours hehe.

    Ian Somerholder! I love him, glad you wrote this :) You know I adore your
    writing style, I really like your descriptions and your vocabulary and adjectives.
    I agree with parasseuse, I didn't think "smacked" would be a good way
    to describe a grin, but it went with it. I like how your stories/your one-shots
    are never the same, and I think you're a very flexible and talented writer. I adore
    your characters, too. No two are a like :)
    September 7th, 2010 at 12:17am
  • Killer_Cupcake!

    Killer_Cupcake! (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United States
    Woah! That's all I have to say
    September 5th, 2010 at 04:31pm
  • two moons.

    two moons. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    Canada
    I love this. It flows beautifully, but it's punctuated with some weird verbs or adjectives that catch me off guard-- like "[ . . . ] that impish grin smacked across his face." "Smacked", I would have never thought of that word being used towards a grin, but it fits perfectly.

    It just adds to the character, I think, and I really do like that.

    “Will it hurt?” I love that too. Especially when you mentioned her losing her virginity there before. It's reminiscent and brings a feeling of innocence to the whole scene.

    "And then, like snow, they began to fade away." Snow again adds to the innocence, though I don't think I would have used the word "fade" there. How you seem to make it work, I don't know. It's lovely, though.

    This story is sad, but at the same time it doesn't feel like it. It feels like it has a purpose; that them fading away has a solid reason behind it, and that doesn't allow it to be utterly heartbreaking. In fact, it just leaves me wondering where they're going now, as if it's another adventure that tests their love.

    I feel like I'm starting to babble now, so I'm going to stop. I really do like this though, it's a nice piece of literature.

    Oh, and it reminded me of vampires, whether that was the intention or not. :x
    September 5th, 2010 at 02:10am
  • AliceHumanSacrifice.

    AliceHumanSacrifice. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    Italy
    mmm Ian Somerhalder.
    You did a lovely job with this.
    It was so well wirtten and it flowed so nicely.
    I loved how you described the sort of couple they were!
    This was basically beautiful and I enjoyed reading it a lot :D
    xoxo
    September 5th, 2010 at 01:32am
  • tiffany danielle

    tiffany danielle (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United States
    I adorded this. I really did. <3

    I came fully prepared to leave this gigantic comment telling you how brilliant this was, but somewhere along the line, I got wrapped up in your stunning detail and lost all the pretty compliments I wanted to give you about it.

    It's just that amazing. (:
    September 4th, 2010 at 11:21pm
  • EverRose

    EverRose (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    25
    Location:
    United States
    Ian! How I want to rape him so very badly!

    Anyways, i really like this. You had amazing descriptions. I like how at some parts it could be nice and sweet and then BAM in the middle of the sentence sounds like a trucker is talking.

    Epic

    :}
    September 4th, 2010 at 11:14pm
  • purple haze.

    purple haze. (220)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    26
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    This is amazing.
    You shuld really share some of your talent, it's not fair you were clearly at the front of the queue when it was handed out! >.<
    You're one of my favourite authors on this site, I really envy your work.
    And this is just as amazing, if not better, as all your other stuff.
    September 4th, 2010 at 01:02pm
  • goodbyeeeee

    goodbyeeeee (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    22
    Location:
    United States
    Oh wow. I didn't expect the ending at all. You wrote it awesomely, how you let the reader kind of guess what happens at the end. It was a beautiful story, so realistic the way you described their relationship. :)
    September 4th, 2010 at 05:45am
  • jane elliot .

    jane elliot . (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    98
    Location:
    United States
    "That one annoying couple that was always swapping spit in the hallway after hours,"
    ^ Everything sounded fine and lovey until you said "swapping spit." I don't know if you intended this, but the phrase really threw me off the feel of the story. Especially after I finished the piece, I felt that it discredits the integrity of your characters to have them "swap spit." But that's just me.

    "...where the flowers wouldn’t meet"
    ^ GOOD. Meaningful imagery is so crucial, I don't even have time to expand. This is definitely some excellently timed foreshadowing, and it hits you like a brick wall after all images of sunrises and beauty and youth. Suddenly, your characters stop in a place where they are not represented, and it clues the reader in that something is definitely not right. Well-executed.

    "It hurt. It wasn’t that glorious inner burning, like passion or like lust. It felt like someone was peeling skin off.

    She pulled away, gasping as blood left the corners of her eyes. And then, like snow, they began to fade away. And then it didn’t hurt so much."
    ^ The deceit and destruction here is clearly evident. I've read stories like this before, but this is the most personal account I've read in so few words. However, I, personally, would have preferred that last sentence not to be there. It messes with the moral message you're trying to send, but maybe that was your intent. To make the reader think. Actually, I'm glad that you kept that sentence there, for your sake. I'm one of those people who think that art should speak for itself, but the mystery of this piece's interpretation is too notable to ignore.

    This is a devastating story, but it's important. I normally don't like sad things, but this plays a dreary, minor music in my head, and it's beautiful, and I can't resist the sound… it's a very attractive piece you've written here, and you should be proud of yourself.
    September 4th, 2010 at 03:22am
  • saeglopur

    saeglopur (350)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    23
    Location:
    United States
    This was amaazing. I've never read something like this before. Its leaves so many options, and ways to be interpreted. You did a greeat job. :D
    September 4th, 2010 at 03:01am