From Rags to Riches - Comments

Chapter One
This story seems pretty interesting. You’ve definitely got a developed and thought through plot and I’m curious as to what happens next, because the chapter is definitely engaging.
Just a few things: I get chased by at least 3 every month. – I think you’re missing a word there.

I tried really hard to not breath anything in. – breath should be breathe

As soon as I turn the corner a bag was is put over my head and a cloth over my mouth. – turn should be turned I think, as I’m pretty sure you’ve changed verb tense.

I’m just being picky really, as we all make mistakes, but correcting the errors should add more flow to your story.

Chapter two
Am now more curious as to why she’s being kidnapped. I like how you keep the story realistic by making continuous references to her life on the streets and how she’s had to learn how to survive. I also like how you’ve separated your paragraphs, unlike in chapter one, it makes the story easier to read. However I’m not sure if its own purpose, and its just my own opinion but I think it would be better if instead of writing Me:”and then the speech…” but “…speech,” I said or “…speech” said Green Eyes. it would also be nicer to know more about your character, her personality, all the little things that may not seem important, like what keeps her going etc.

Apart from that this really has potential and I’m curious to where you take this story next. (:

December 28th, 2010 at 12:56am