The Long Game - Comments

Ooh, another good chapter :) I really like Damisi's backstory- we've only had this chapter to get to know her but she's already seeming really fleshed out and vivid. I also love the way that you've mirrored that mysterious ending from chapter one- it helps to show that, although the stories told in each of these first two chapters seem unconnected so far, they are definitely relevant to one another.
I can't wait to read more :)

Hey, sorry about that. I write my chapters on Microsoft word and then copy them. Unfortunately, I copied an uncompleted version of the chapter onto mibba instead of the updated one. The updated version is now on Mibba and I hope you enjoy it. Sorry again and thanks for pointing the mistake out, otherwise I would have never noticed! :)

Again. I'm still really loving it. It seemed a little bit rushed this time, but I may just have been reading it fast, or maybe you didn't have much time. but still great :)
also, maybe you could try spacing between paragraphs and some sentences? makes for a bit lighter reading on the eyes. :)

I really like this. I can't wait to read more. It's one of the few stories on this site that is written in such a way, it could be finished in really good way. I agree with the first commenter, so unrealistic, it's realistic. I love it.

Thanks, what's a good story if it's totaly realistic?! I hope you enjoy the rest, when I get round to writing it! :P

Wow, this is really interesting :) You write really nicely and I love the plot idea- in the real world, it'd be a really unrealistic concept but you've written this first chapter in such a way that Gwen seems totally believable. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this :)