Start of your paragraph by paragraph feedback (we’re watching Batman Begins, you know drunk fish Bale and where’s yo wig will distract me from this):
So initially I like it. You’re a good writer but you already knew that x]
So I like the first bit, straight away the description is wonderful and vivid. Though tip from my writing class, if you’re building on one image, abuse the semi-colon, it’s the only time you can do it (just abuse it correctly obvs)
With the second paragraph I like the mix of long and short sentences. The balance was good.
I’m getting distracted by Liam Neeson :3 So I will do the rest when this film is over.
So initially I like it. You’re a good writer but you already knew that x]
So I like the first bit, straight away the description is wonderful and vivid. Though tip from my writing class, if you’re building on one image, abuse the semi-colon, it’s the only time you can do it (just abuse it correctly obvs)
With the second paragraph I like the mix of long and short sentences. The balance was good.
I’m getting distracted by Liam Neeson :3
So I will do the rest when this film is over.
You can feel cool at extra comments though ;]