Holy crap this story is like amazing! I don't normally like stories like this, but I love this one so far. I love how you developed your characters while still keeping some things about them a mystery. I seriously started crying when Adrian beat the crap out of Jasper, but then they were all cute and stuff and I was like "Ahhhhhhh." :3 I was a bit confused in the beginning, but as I kept reading, everything started making more sense. I really love the maid too. Whenever she's in the story, I smile like an idiot. I did notice a few grammatical and spelling errors, but honestly, who doesn't make mistakes sometimes? You might want to reread the chapters very carefully before you post them to check for errors because I know that might bother some people (not me though.) I hope you update soon because I can't wait to read what happens next!!! I love the plot and your characters. You are a very good author and keep up the amazing work with the story!!
Hey I'm just going to comment for the spelling errors lol. Too lazy for messageXD Uhm there's a spot where you put frighten instead of frightened. Uhm there part where he says he wonders if percy feels bad I'm not sure if you just trailed off and didn't finish sentence or if the to is supposed to be a too :P
uhm stomach has no e after it ^^
Uhm change pained to pain. It's around the bottom.
And you're good I believe^_^ Nice chapter and good plot improvision (()^^)--() you should honestly do it moreXD I like when the people I write with take risks lol. It makes a good story.
I've only made it through the first two chapters, and I do like how well it is written. It's not something I would normally read, so it doesn't exactly appeal to me, but I do think it is written very well though. But keep up the good writing. :)
I have to admit, at first I was a little confused about what was going on as it's not something I would usually read or research, but once I worked out what was going on I thought it was really well-written. Obviously I'm not an expert on the type of characters that you use in this story, but I was still able to picture behaviours and appearances quite well which says something about how good your portrayals were. Your description and characterisation are also well done at the beginning, in the way the character interact and I could instantly get hints about their personalities and relationships. It's really interesting and original.
To begin I feel that you should leave your character's out of the summary; a character page is available for that. Secondly I must admit I've skipped over your character's description, due to the fact that I would much rather have them reveal to me through the story. However I was disappointed that I was majorly confused. You have great potential, and your story is nicely written though I feel describing the plot and character s a bit more would do your story good.
from the summary it seems like it will be a typical forbidden love type fo thing. Is that bad? no. I wouldn't choose it but i can see how if you were into this genere how it could be interesting.
I read through some of it. IT didnt keep my interest only because it isnt my type of story.. though the way to keep my attention on a story like this is the have sex in the first seen. It gets me every time lol.
YOur style o writing is good though very descriptive. if this is what you like keep writing.
I've missed this story. (: I like how you put in that flashback when Adrian was talking about how he didn't really have friends. Its sad. I really hate his brother now. And the ending of this chapter was cute.