Marine's Daughter - Comments

I REALLY liked this story!
I've always wondered how it would be if two of them imprinted on the same girl and I think you did a good job at showing one way it could be :D I couldn't put my Ipad down once I started reading this.
It was the highlight of my day to get home and continue reading, So thank you for this story (:

thanks for all the comments. especially celestial_royalty, I will definitely take your comments into consideration and make the sequel even better!! thanks again

Wow. Well this has certainly been an interesting read. It's pretty lengthy, but I really like it- feels like a book. Ok- so what first caught my eye was definitely the title. Hell. It was the only thing that would have made me read it. Do you have any affiliations with Marines? The first part was definitely really unique and unparalleled in the Mibba Twilight world. Way amazing. It was a relief when the military aspect died down though, because this is obviously a love story <33 although it would have been nicer to show the parts of the military that stayed with Olivia. There was a lot of emphasis on how much she missed her dad, which was very touching, but that was a very civilian approach to describing it. I was honestly really disappointed at how often Olivia cried. Didn't growing up around soldiers teach her any discipline or restraint?! The part with seeing her dad was absolutely reasonable. But not just because people are lying to her to surprise her, or because she got into a fight with Kim. Remember the title? Marine's Daughter?
The outfits I wasn't fond of, but that's personal preference and so is the person used to portray Olivia. I really liked Vin Deisel as her father- it made things incredibly easy to picture. The links in chapter one and two don't work- I remember the house didn't work, Sam's picture didn't work, and neither did some other soldier friend's. I thought the prank was hilarious- it could have been a little more vivid. Spelling errors aren't the worst I've seen, but definitely could be better. You were complimenting Bella's dress, I believe, and called it something along the lines of "shieque". I believe you simply meant "chic". I really liked Olivia's relationship with Bella- it was very realistic and interesting. I was a little upset with Edward being mad at Livia for hitting Bella though- come on, he can't be THAT whipped. Wolves are fun, sarcasm is awesome, Wendy was a very pleasant surprise at the end that actually fit in very nicely. Olivia's reaction might have been a tad underdramatic, but not too noticably so. Might've been nicer if Kim and Livia had more girl time- it was clearly emphasized hoe close they were, but not as easily felt. Paul's bff role seems pretty unlikely- it's great how it turned out, but probably wouldn't have happened so easily with such a smooth transition. I believe that's it for now- the ending would be great even without the sequel. I may elaborate even further if you message me back with answers to my questions (: and if I misspelled anything, I'm not a hypocrite- just a girl on a smartphone!

I love this! I wanna see the sequellll!

Oh no her dad died ??? Please update soon !

love the story

ugh i dont know what happened but i posted a new chapter and it just poofed...disappeared. I will post it again soon though so don't worry.

I like this story. Update soon!!!

Please write the next chapter soon! I've been hooked on this story since I found it earlier. Your an amazing writer. The flow of the story is amazing. It's not to much to the point but not excruciatingly detailed. I love how you've made the characters personalities seem to pop of the page (aka screen lol) but keep writing you have an amazing talent:)

OHMYGAWD HOW COULD YOU STOP THERE?! lol
Please write more?

OHMYGAWD HOW COULD YOU STOP THERE?! lol
Please write more?

I love this story, you captured the characters well! Update soon please! :)

Hey, I'm thinking about reading this (I'll certainly leave you a comment when I am done ^^), but I have to bring something that up that could get you in trouble. I'm sorry to be nagging, but I hate people getting in trouble.

First off, the title. You're only suppose to have the title (i.e. Marine's Daughter) and that's it. When you create a story you see a warning:

"Don't put symbols, hearts, stars, things that belong in search tags, pairings, sequel to, etc. We just want the title. Also, story titles must be capitalized properly.

"Stories with incorrect titles will be removed from the site."

I would hate to see this taken down, especially if you don't have it saved or anything. That would make me sad, if that ever happened to one of my stories. You can put the other information in the description section of making the story. I would suggest the "short version" since that bit of info would most likely draw in readers.

Second, is the Character information you have as a chapter. You could get in trouble for that as well. Under the stories section in My Mibba you will see a link to Characters and you can add them there. Put all their info in as well. See? Example (my Twilight fanfic). :)

I hope you get lots of readers for your story,
Sara ^^