Can Somebody Love Me - Comments

Thats awesome!!! Kepp it up! I wouldnt change a thing :]
~Kailyn_the_Hedgehog

Thanks, I try :)

great update!

Thanks! I'll try to add more depth to the story, keep me updated on what you think. Tell me if it starts getting bad. Thank you :)

i like it! you have a good protagonist. but it feels a little empty. sometimes there need to be a little more to the words, you know? especially in a story that has such strong emotional root. i like the story line lots! keep it up:)

Thanks, I'll keep writing and try to keep it good!

Wow, that was awesome!! I really enjoyed it, the whole story was really organized and outlined, and you described the characters well. Great job!

Thank you to both of you, I appreciate it. And I'll use your advice to better my story

Well what I like about it is the character, you have a strong base character which if you wanted to you could expand and make the reader feel empathy or joy for the character
dislikes are that you need alot more depth to the story without it your reader would become bored and not read more. Use in-depth settings, emotions, descriptions to hook them
hope this'll help ya out a little :)

Okay, so firstly. Your title is capitalized wrong. It should be capitalized properly like a real novel would be capitalized. Can Somebody Love Me The punctuation while not incorrect doesn't need to be there.

Firstly, your chapter titles need to be fixed as well in capitalization. "Walking In", "I'll Tell You More", Can You See Me, etc.

The summary isn't necessarily interesting enough to get me to read it--you need to add more depth to it, nobodies going to look at that summary and think "oh, that's really cool, i'm going to read that." I would say start over, possibly put an excerpt from the story or just what inspired the story.

You need to go and read the guidelines and rules of this site. You need to break your paragraphs it's a rule here and you can be reported for not following that rule. The listing of the characters age and name and stuff is unnecessary that should be something we learn whilst reading the story as a whole. It should be gradually introduced to us. Planting it out as you have leaves nothing to the readers imagination.

There's a lot of grammatical and spelling errors throughout this story so I suggest finding a beta to clean it up for you. The detail and descriptive detail is lacking and while I can see potential in your writing the plotline is one that's been overdone so many times that I can almost guess what's going to happen. Also the angsty, "no one likes me" bit is a real turn off. In my opinion a character who is constantly down on herself is boring. Depression isn't however, but what this is is a character who's constantly looking for attention especially by the way you're writing her.

Hope this helps and I hope you'll take my advice.