His Name - Comments

Why'd you stop? You need to continue this! I love it!

Love this!! Update!

PLEASE update this?!

You must update, yes? Yes :)

i love it, update again soon!!!!

Update soon please amazing story

I just found this story today +& I have to say that I LOVE IT!!!! <3333 :D You are awesome I love the whole thing I hope that you update soon!! :)

LOVE IT!
update soon :)

GAHHH UPDATE SOON!!!

I love it!
Please, update soon!

- i LOVE it (: , update please <3

its really good

ty for the update hun i def cant wait for more im glad he told her finally

short but awesome!! update!!!!!!

like the story <3 write more ? Please ?

First off, I wanna say that I like the story. The problem I have with it is the details, you don't seem to go very much into detail, just sorta skim through things, one moment something is happening and bam you jump to the next, you should give us, the readers, more to create a mental pictures with, it also adds more flow to the story.

love love LOVE this

omg rose is crazy lol. true love never last lol. keep updating :)

i like it. (:

Alright, I just found this story and so I'm going to try and give constructive criticism as I read it. Hopefully this won't be obnoxiously long for you and if it is, I apologize. For the first chapter, my first major issue with your writing is that for most of the chapter you're in present tense and then randomly beginning with "The whole ride to forks was silent," you suddenly turn into past tense. I'm not saying past tense is a bad thing, in fact I prefer past tense to present tense but you need to pick one and stick with it.

Also, if you're using a number under twenty, you really should (in order to make your writing look better) type out the actual word, especially if it begins a sentence. "2 weeks ago" will always look less professional than "Two weeks ago". A fun little tip about words like 'dad' and 'mom' and 'daddy' and 'mommy', since you're turning those words essentially into that person's name, should be capitalized. 'Her mom' is still correct but 'mom' should actually be 'Mom'. Another sort of hint I'll give you is that while I can't possibly teach you all the rules concerning commas, the easiest way to figure out MOST of the time if a sentence needs a comma is to say it out loud and to put commas where you pause.

Chapter Two has one of the problems that the first chapter has and it's your flip flopping between tenses. You started out in past tense and then went to present at "Samantha cautiously knocks on her daughters door before walking in," and then you continue on for a little bit in present and then you're back in past again with, "The annoying shrill of the alarm clock woke Willow up instantly". Then you keep going back and forth. I'm not going to list every single time you switch tenses because that would be annoying and take up way too much space. Also, while it's fine to use third person omniscient to move the plot along, you don't seem to explain things thoroughly enough some of the time. You had Edward say, “Man she thinks of some weird stuff,” but then never actually explained what she'd been thinking about.

Chapters Three through Five: Tenses. That's all I'm gonna say about that and now I'm moving on.

Chapter Six: Tenses again and I have a problem with the statements "There was no denying it, Willow was his singer and he was just going to have to accept it. He couldn’t resist her any longer. He had to be with her," for one big reason. Technically, being a vampire's singer just means that you smell tastier to them. It's not actually an indicator of being a soul mate. Or if it is then Stephenie Meyer screwed up big time because she makes it seem like Bella's blood calls to all of the Cullen family (she's like catnip for vampires, it's kinda nuts) and she also mentions in the books that Alice was James' singer, which means that technically she shouldn't be with Jasper at all.

Chapter Seven: Tenses.

Chapter Eight: Tenses and I can't help but feel like the way you're explaining the way Emmett feels is more like you wish vampires had imprinting, which they don't.

Chapter Nine: Tenses.

Chapter Ten: Tenses. You also got confused 'your' and 'you're'. Your is the possessive form of you. You're is a contraction of 'you are'. An easy way to remember which to use is to replace the word with 'you are' in a sentence. If it makes sense then use 'you're' but if it doesn't, use 'your'.

Chapter Eleven: Tenses.