Fragments - Comments

I found this story through comment swap, but it is a lovely one to receive. The layout is beautiful and I love how the colors and pictures all go so well with each other. I do have to say I wish that you didn't split up the chapters because it just makes everything more fluid. However, aside from that I think you've really got something wonderful here. You're a great writer.

She didn't know about Andrew. o.o Wow, what a shock that would have been to her. And Andrew's poor mother. =( I feel bad for her, not even being able to see him. But at the same time, it's probably for the best. It would probably shatter her completely.

This story is still amazing, and I don't know why it doesn't get more comments. I do hope you continue soon. =)

Well, this chapter was filled with all sorts of interesting things. Lee caused the crash? Courtney's aunt is somewhat psychic?

I feel terrible for Courtney. =(

xoxo
HJ.

I was literally just about to go to bed when I saw this had been updated. I had to come and read.

This was definitely an interesting one. Very few people write from the perspective of a sibling who's been left behind after their brother or sister has gone missing, and it was nice to see the way that her parents worried over her as well instead of completely forgetting about her in favour of their older daughter. Nice touch!

Still loving this story. =)

xoxo
HJ.

Not much to go on from this chapter, but it was good all the same. Actually, what am I saying? Clearly we've got a little memory loss going on here, and that will likely throw another spanner in the works.

Still think this story is absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

xoxo
HJ.

I love how there are so many characters. And the way you've written it, it is easy to keep track, so there aren't any worries. I am curious as to what has happened to Lee and I hate how Courtney didn't pry more information from the girl who was crying over the phone. GAH! It's so suspenseful!

I can see you keep withholding all that has happened to them, and it makes me want to read more. I am subscribing because this is very intriguing. I am glad I cam upon this :) Happy writings!

Wow. This is intense. I've only read the first two chapters and I already love it. I can feel how distraught her mother is and how worried she feels for Elena and I wonder if she is truly dead or not.

I do like how you don't add too much detail, but add so much suspense...if that makes any sense.

You have written this nicely. I am going to read the next chapter and see if I can give a better comment which you deserve :)

i found this via comment swap, and i love the title. so short and simple. the summary is also short and simple, and i love that too. i also love the way that you've split up the chapters. my only problem is the layout, it could be a tad better.

-from comment swap.
I just adore this. The title is wonderful and I don’t know if you picked this for your final title yet, but I certainly think you should – fragments of life, friendships, relationships. It’s perfect. Your layout is maybe unrelated with the whole wood thing but it looks good. Your summary is short but so effective and it’s just so enticing. You use such wonderful phrases – ‘Honesty is as fragile as the snowflake that landed in your palm’. This is so well written and clever. Good luck with this!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS DOESN'T HAVE A BAJILLION COMMENTS. recommending this!

I stumbled across this story on the front page, and it was the title that drew me in initially. Then the summary. And then the story itself.

Where to start? Firstly, I love your writing style. The flipping back to 1989 annoyed me at first (simply because I wanted to know more about what was going on with the accident) but after reaching the end of these four chapters, I'm loving the fact that you go back in time. It offers more information, tells two stories at once, and brings everything together so nicely. Amazingly done. =)

The story itself is fantastic. When I found out Andrew was dead, I wanted to bawl my eyes out. I've lost a friend in an accident before - I think we all have, in one way or another - and it just brought all the pain back. Not a bad thing at all. It just made everything all the more real.

And I love that there's so much mystery around all of this - why was Toby in the car? What was all the fighting about? Where's Richelle? It sounds like she ran from the scene, but then I can't work out why she would do that. So I'm desperately waiting to see that revealed.

I don't even know what more to say. I've already told you that you nearly reduced me to tears, so I suppose I should add that at other times you've made me giggle and other points have quite literally sent chills down my spine. This is all just so beautiful and raw and perfect that I can't get enough.

Instant subscribe and recommend, because everybody needs more original fiction in their life and I think this is the greatest one I've found on Mibba so far.

Can't wait for more. =)

xoxo
HJ.

Everything that was said before this comment. You write beautifully and your descriptions are so original and a breath of fresh air after many chapters of cliches. I can feel, taste, smell, see everything that is going on as I read from every chord of sadness to the tint of happiness of the chapter with Chris and Alyson. There were a few grammatical errors throughout the chapters but I found that while these errors struck me as they came up, I was soon so wrapped up in the beauty of your words that I forgot them.

People collapse under it; they fall and break; they also bloom. They say the truth sets you free but before it does, it rips you apart and leaves you stranded with nothing left. Becca Arrington mentioned this, but I think this line is so amazing that it must be stated, again, that it is perfect. If the summary didn't captivate your readers, this line surely did.

Can't wait for more!

Okay, I cannot even believe that this doesn't have like a gazillion comments on it. The summary immediately drew me in and the first chapter was breathtaking. All your metaphors are perfectly executed. I especially loved this line: "They say the truth sets you free but before it does, it rips you apart and leaves you stranded with nothing left." Perfect.

My eyes were glued to the screen as I read chapter 2. I felt everything the mother felt. You've captivated me so completely. I loved this line: "Her child, who had never seemed so fragile until now, when the proof that she wasn’t invincible was presented to her in one of the worst ways possible." There's just something about it. Amazing.

"...she was clutching her other hand to her heart, wishing it would beat out a cure for a mother’s worry." - this line was phenomenal. So powerful. I found your description of Elena's hazy memory and how she felt very real. I felt like I was there, watching everything unfold.

In chapter four, you say the father's name is Christopher, but I'm sure Alyson called him Jaime at the start of the story. Confused! :s Other than that, I loved the way you gave the reader a glance into Courtney's life. I love the way you describe little aspects of everyone's lives and exactly what they were doing when they found out about Elena. It makes it all seem more realistic.

“I am Brett Stanley, a policeman obviously." This line of dialogue seemed a little awkward to me. I don't think a policeman would say something like that - they'd remain professional at all times. I think they'd just say their name and/or rank - eg: Sergent Brett Stanley. Just something to think about! (:

My breath actually hitched in my throat when the policeman said that Andrew had died. I almost started crying. hbdfhjbdjd I cannot even.

I'm confused as to why we're all now in a flashback from 1989, but I'm sure I'll find out just how it contributes to the story later (: I like how Alyson and Chris met and the way they talked to each other - it was so cute (:

Only thing I can pick on was this: “Well, why don’t you sit down?” she asks and gestures at the empty chair opposite her. You slipped into present tense for that one sentence when the rest was written in past tense. It's easy to do! I'm guilty of it, too (:

Overall, great story. You convey emotions extremely well. I also think it's refreshing to read something like this. I can't wait to find out more about the kids that were involved in the car accident. A story like this has the potential to deliver a really strong message to kids and help them realize that life is short and they should be responsible. Amazing work. Obviously, I'm subbing!

Write more soon please (: