Beast Below - Comments

Finally! Lol was excited to see an update (yays!) anyways good job and all that jazz. Keep em' coming!!!

Wait, why am I supposed to get yelled at?? :p

I'm not very good at writing comments, but here is one anyway. Fantastic!

very interesting stuff

These chapters, I like them. ANOTHER!

sooooo....good job....words of encouragement and reassurance

good job and stuff

I think you did a great job Ms. Kayti (=
Does it work????!!!!
Update soon!

Just to be clear, I did write the first ritual for you. Therefore, I helped. :p

no one was home, not a candle. I don't like the transition here. I think it would flow better with something like 'as'. It also struck me how fast you've dived into this 'fairy tale'. I would suggest a little more mystery, perhaps a longer intro about the old village or details on the surrounding area.

school year, the high
A semi colon would be more effective here than a comma.
Uh, reading more I've notice you substitute a lot of semi colons for commas - take a read through and correct a few.

Also, I've noticed you use the same sentence starters again and again: 'she', 'he', 'I' and 'the'. A little more variety would be healthy with your writing - same goes for sentence structure's and words in general. Get creative, because at the moment your writing is quite bland.

Your sentences don't flow, there's topic jump after topic jump and I think you need to seriously review a lot of the details and rational emotions a human would experience. She's in a magical garden; that calls for some kind of wonder, admiration - not just a brief overview of her surrounding and how she moves in them.

The second chapter is a massive improvement. Nice flow, realistic emotions and good background information.

I'm not going to read any further, but I can predict your writing will improve from your first chapter, as writing always does, but you really do need to look over the first chapter. Keep writing<3

silly justin, get with the program man!
cant waitttttt! (=

i now realize what you were reading all the wiccan books earlier lol...good job though

hmmm (=

very awesome

This is getting interesting :) Can't wait for more :)

Me too Justin ^
And I think she's sexy as a beast heehe (;
Anywho! Loved the update!
I can't wait for more!
And I kinda sorta have a crush on the guy lol
Can I marry him? ;P
<3

very good...though i was hoping she was gonna kill that annoying girl lol

very good!!! i love it so far!!!!i want more!!!!!

good job little girl....you know...its cool...and stuff....and things....

Ohai there.
This story is brilliant :) I like the details and descriptions of even the smallest of things, and the garden sounda like the most amazing place on Earth. If only it was real.
Lenza sounds like a bitch -.- but Bennet is adorable (andomgLiamDryden<3) and I like his character, he seems interesting and stuff ^-^ I wanna know more about him

Please update soon - this is slowly turning into my favourite story <3