I like the way you write in such an easy going, conversational type speech, it makes the story flow well and easy to read and more enjoyable, I think. I’m not too knowledgeable about Slash, but I did enjoy it anyways just because I love your writing style. Even with the relaxed tone, the way you’ve been able to weave description of how he was so irresistible (which was very well done, I like that I can imagine this all in my head) was done brilliantly.
And I ask him why…” This was my favourite paragraph. I know you stated in your author’s note that you thought you used the word ‘and’ too much, but I really, really liked the repetitional use of the word.
What I loved about the piece the most though was that the chick could be taken as this lovesick sort of gal, but she’s kind of stalkerish in a way and I like that it was mentioned but in an unobvious, subtle sort of way. She’s definitely an interesting character, that’s for sure.
Overall, I really, really enjoyed this, it was quite lovely to read :)