Lost - Comments

i saw catching fire, and it made me wanna read some hunger game stories, i came across yours first. and i gotta say i was NOT disapointed =]

I think you do a great job with getting the reader immediately interested. Your first chapter leaves a lot of questions for the reader and it forces them to continue reading. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, so nice job on that. The concept is really interesting to me and like I said before, even if it wasn't interesting, the first chapter is so vague you really need to continue reading in order to feel satisfied. The only thing I would consider is being a little less liberal with your descriptions. I am in agreement with other commenters that you have a gift for imagery, but there was some points where I was getting a little lost in the metaphors. I would just switch it up from time to time in order to keep the reader from feeling bombarded by metaphors and similes. Overall, you have a really great start here! Good luck with your story! You've got wonderful descriptions throughout the story. I love your paragraph and chapter lengths. They're just about perfect. But, I would suggest proofreading a little. There are a few mistakes throughout the piece. Though the story is a little hard for me to follow (probably cause it's just not the genre I'm into), it's still sounds like it has great potential! Keep on writing! :)

Also, here for the comment swap lmao forgot to add that! XD

It was actually pretty good. Im not one for fan fiction but this one was more intresting then i thought it would be. Only problem i have is that it's a little too closely related to the original hunger games. That and some of the situations are almost predictable. That's all i can see that needs improvement. Besides that its pretty fucking good.

Comment swap~

Ooh, a Hunger Games type story! Neato. I loved the books. You're doing an excellent job with this story. The layout is a little on the dull side for me, but it still fits the story very well. I didn't spot any mistakes. I like where you're going with this, you've done a great job so far. Keep it up!

You're doing super great with the story! I love that your descriptive so I can totally imagine what's going on. It's really refreshing to see a Hunger Games Fan-Fiction though. There were some tweaks, but I loved it!

Hello! I'm here from Comment Swap! Let's do this!
First off, I totally adore your writing style it is super amazing. You're very descriptive and I really enjoy that about this story. Faye and Ri are really interesting characters, but I feel their story might be a little too similar to Katniss and Peeta's, but, I'm hoping you'll throw an exciting twist on that soon. Their costumes in chapter three sound really cool, I'm a bit of a goth so I was totally digging the whole 'dark cowboy' aspect. :) It sounded cool. What's up with the guy who keeps staring at Faye, like seriously? He needs to bug off my home-girl! Update soon! It's been like, what...a month? Get on that!
XOXO.
-B!

Comment Swap

You have no idea how happy I was to see a Hunger Games fan fiction! The beginning was interesting as it went straight into it. It had a nice flow and didn’t go too fast but as I mentioned that it went straight into it, I didn’t really know much about Faye or her brother. Nonetheless, I really like it so carry on writing!:)

Here from comment swap

I like the concept of the story but I am a bit worried like some of the other readers that this will be a District ten version of Katniss and Peeta. I hope its not and there are a lot more options on where to go if you are going to do the whole star cross lover's theme. There's a lot of potential for this story to be great and I personally like Faye I don't like a lot of female characters because they are Mary Sueish. So great job on seperating Faye from that :)

Sent here from Comment Swap

So I like the lyrics you added in too the summary, always been a big fan of Paramore! Then I liked your theme, it's kind of menacing and goes with the 'villian' theme you have so far. Now I don't really like The Hunger Games and I probably never will be, I had no quarrel with reading this though, your a really good writer and this story has so much potential!

Keep writing and good luck

Sent here from Comment Swap

So I like the lyrics you added in too the summary, always been a big fan of Paramore! Then I liked your theme, it's kind of menacing and goes with the 'villian' theme you have so far. Now I don't really like The Hunger Games and I probably never will be, I had no quarrel with reading this though, your a really good writer and this story has so much potential!

Keep writing and good luck

So I really enjoyed The Hunger Games, so I was looking forward to reading this fic especially with all the Catching Fire news recently released. I’ll be interested to see how you develop the story so it’s not just District Ten version of Katniss and Peeta.
I did have a few things in Chapter One. If Faye is sixteen and her brother won four years prior, would she have her name in lots for extra tessarae? She would have only just been twelve and just been able to start taking them. Katniss did mention that family members of victors do get chosen in a disproportionate amount, so what are the chances that the drawing was rigged? Just a few things I was mulling over.

Little me form Comment Swap:)
So I haven't read the Hunger Games books but I have seen the movie thanks to my friedn's sister wanting to go see it one day while I was over.This story isn't really my taste but it is the way I like the writing.Plus the layout is just simply perfect and proffesional looking.Mine are ugly >.< Keep it up,I'm interested

like the person below me, comment swap sent me here. I've never read the hunger games, or seen the movie yet, but you've managed to make me interested. keep up to good work. you have a great technique and know how to keep a reader interested. :)

Comment swap sent me here, and I'm not a huge fan of the hunger games, so I'm really sorry, but I found it quite hard to get into (but that's probably my problem rather than yours)- However, you've spent a long time on a really professional looking layout, and your writing style is perfect- keep up the good work :)

Omg, I literally just began reading the hunger games yesterday, and I'm now reading Catching Fire :) I love it, I'm so addicted to it. So when I got this story I was so excited. This is great, reminds me of the books so much! You're a fantastic write. Gonna subscribe!

I really like where this story is going so far! I'm glad this comment swap lead me to your story. I'm looking forward to reading more so please keep posting! You write this very well and it makes sense. Other stories usually don't but I understand this very well. I love the Hunger Games! and I'm rooting for Faye! Please keep posting more chapters! I can't wait to find out what happens next, so please update keep updating! Thanks!

Hey love,

The story, is moving along nice! What is up Alex-cough-Preston's sleeve? Darn boy! Anyways, I can't see what happens next. I love you and I love your story!

askdhasjkdhsa so I'm really excited that comment swap brought me here. I am absolutely obsessed with anything relating to the Hunger Games so I loved reading this. I really like Faye so far, and I'm excited to see where this goes. You write really well and everything just flows perfectly, which is important because the stories I've read so far tend to have awkward structure. This is not like that at all, though. It's easy to follow and it's definitely interesting. I can't wait for more.

-Jess xx

Read it! love it(: