If You Only Knew - Comments

i love this story!! keep it coming!

Ok Waw this chapter is amazing !! Poor Frankie :(

Amaziing. Update soon <3

Loveee <3 Update??? :]

Love the new chapter <3

@ mykiekilljoy
I know *tears*

Aghhh, being a longtime MCR soldier and all this actually made me cry.... The pain Frankie and Gee went through </3 Breaks mah heart..

Amazing 2 chapters ! Oh yeah and good luck for the sex scenes x)

@ FrankiePlusGee
Thanx ^_^

Love Love love! :] <3

@ Elzrhodes
Y thank u dear ^_^

Really good<3

OMG waaaw ! It wasn't boring truust mee <3 omg pleaase update soon <3

Woooow you're really talenteed ! Please updaate soon, I'm thrilled to read what's nexxt :o *_* asdfghjkl

@ GhostInTheAlter
Thank u and no I don't take it offensive. I told u guys to criticize me.

The following is not meant to offend you, I only wish to help.

You should sort out your grammar. I saying this because in the first line of dialogue, you put;

Your no fucking use!

When really, it's 'You're'.

Also, it's difficult to read because of the grey on either side of the text. You should also space out your large paragraphs.

Next, you don't have to put 'Name: "Dialogue."'
You could just put the typical, 'I said' or 'he/she/they said' after the dialogue line.

I find it a bit tacky that in the second chapter, when Frank wakes up, it says *Yawns*.

You should also know that you use excessive pauses, such as;

A brand new day.........yay.

If you put a pause, it should only be three ''.'' It should be;

A brand new day...yay.

When he has a thought, such as when he talking to someone, it should be in italics.

You shouldn't switch the point of veiw every few seconds. Stick with a chapter being specifically one persons point of veiw and if you can no longer think of anything to write for the character, change it one time to another point of view. Meaning, yes, you can have two characters point of view. But once you change for the chapter, you can't go back. For that chapter. Of course, you can go back in the next chapter.

The plot's a bit cliche, leaving it not very interesting. Which will probably cause less people to read it. Although that can easily be solved by spicing up the plot and making a more interesting summary. Something that will draw readers closer. So that they give your story a chance, because I'm 100% sure that you're an amazing writer.

I am not trying to be mean nor am I implying that I'm any good of a writer. I'm just basically pointing out the basics of mibba, because lead mibbians expect that we follow guidelines. Which basically is about grammar, format, ect. I hope that none of this offended you, because that was not my intention. I just wish to help you before some asshole reports you for some stupid reason, such as 'Unreadable layout'. Trust me, that's happened before to others.

Anyways, I hoped that I helped somehow.

~Pansy Xo

@ Bobby Pine
Thanx its my first fan fic :)

I am liking this currently.