And now finally, I am here! What a week- but now I'm ready to see what your story has in store for me (that was not planned...)
Just throw us right into the middle of the action- always a good way to start! I like the ambiguity here- the fact that we don't know who the character is, but we're given snippets of information about him.
Camp Brian- what a wonderful creation. Though the line in my head sounded a little weird, it was still cool to see Brian be so cocky and up himself. Sometimes it's the self-centered ones that get the attention of the reader, rather than the good-hearted one who pulls through in the end.
Brian, don't make me bitch slap you. Matt is just doing his job for Christ's sake- don't be a dick about it!
Calling Matt 'Cop'- that's a good call to make. It makes it seem like he's always detached, that there's nothing going on between them, not even after the kiss or anything else along that line. Very good choice of structure there, playing on the nickname.
Stop trying to save me. How true that phrase rings, I suppose.
I'm not sure whether it's just me right now or something, but the lovey-dovey stuff was really sweet, even if I stuck my tongue out at it because I'm just bitter.
The sex, as has been mentioned below, was awkward, but that was the beauty of it. To see that these two people who barely know each other can make something so electric happen between them is the very basis of sexual contact, and you portrayed that really well through your description. Minimal dialogue and lots of imagery seems to be a winning formula these days.
I did like the ending, rather than the pair of them going to sleep together and everything being hunky dory, it was just a note. Very cute ending- there's so much behind those two little words, so much emotion and hurt that it almost hurts physically to read them over.
Well done! I mean, yes the plot is simplistic, but you've done so much with it and turned it into something wonderful! Well done you :)
you know i don't think i've ever been so happy to see the word SEQUEL before i'd cry if you just left the two of them like that.. i almost did at the end however..
the beginning was funny with bri being so sassy and then holy hell that was hot!!! and aawe :'( they didn't even cuddle while sleeping.. *pouts* well i for one will be looking forward to the sequel for this, whenever you'll write it
OH MY GOD THIS IS IN CAPS BECAUSE I CANNOT CONTAIN MY ENTHUSIASM! HOLY FUCK I LOVED IT! BRIAN, SO COCKY, SO DAMN ARROGANT TO MASK THE PAIN HE IS FEELING & MATT, SO STOIC YET FUCKING SELFLESS AND JUST FUCK! THE SEX WAS AWKWARD, YET SO HOT!