@ Miles Away You're very welcome! I completely understand the stoic front. It would make perfect sense (the way the story is) for things to be described as they have been. However, since the story is told from the girls' point of view, it will have to be more emotional, even if the readers see what the rest of the world never will :]
@ Miles Away You're very welcome! I completely understand the stoic front. It would make perfect sense (the way the story is) for things to be described as they have been. However, since the story is told from the girls' point of view, it will have to be more emotional, even if the readers see what the rest of the world never will :]
@ celestial_royalty Thank you for getting back to me. :) Knowing how our readers feel about our fic is very important to both of us, so if we could improve somewhere it really helps to know what needs more of our attention. I will confess that neither of us thought "lack of emotions" was occurring because it's in character for both girls to put on a stoic front, and perhaps even think in those terms, but we'll evaluate and strive to be more mindful of just how that is being interpreted in the future. I may understand now what you're saying, so I have a good idea of how things can be improved.
I want to thank you for the constructive criticism you've given us!
The lack of emotion makes it hard to understand the characters. For example, when someone says "I'm angry" but doesn't otherwise react, it is highly debatable whether or not they are actually mad.
Ooooh! I like it. The story has a very impersonal feel, due to the lack of emotions from both of the characters, but I think it will improve over time. It does get a little confusing sometimes though.
@ Martinasxo Hey. :D We definitely will, the next chapter will be picked up by Miles Away again, who wanted to explore what's happening with Oleander and Draco just a bit more. She'll do that, then I'll do mine.