The Portrait - Comments

Oh my goodness. This is such a fantastic story. I feel so torn for him, stuck between agonzing over the present and loving the past. I have become addicted.

The way it's written just flows so well that it's natural. I can't wait for more.

It's those perfect moments that just make life worth living. I kinda imagined this chapter like it was in a movie. One of those flashback parts where there's extra bright lighting, the lines are a little blurry, and all the sounds echo just a little. Beautiful job :D

I like this. Just a moment in time, but captured wonderfully.

My favorite lines:

"the curls brilliant copper against the dull wood of my floor."

"Even her shadow sent shivers down my spine."

"I could feel my lungs tighten"

Thankyou so much for reading this you guys.
It means alot to me, I love reading your comments.
Remember, if you ever need me to read and comment, I am in your debt.

I've told you before, and I'm going to say it again. I love your writing style. It's just beautiful. That's the only word for it. As always, I can't wait for another update. I kinda assume that Erin died, but I'm still wondering what the circumstances were.

I love the modern day parts. They are perfect and beautiful. I really like how, through him, you get into...not necessarily philosophical...but just thoughts about how things go, life, et cetera.

My favorite lines:

"worn out chair "

"I imagine that the sky is my soul. Gray, old, forever. Surely that is what a soul is. Forever. "

"Should it go to her...who left. Or should it go to me....the one that never followed."

"gray with dust and disuse."

"And then, I throw back the sheet."

Aaaah, he's an idiot. But an adorable one, and that's why we love him. Good thing Dorian has Erin to tell him how to handle things :) He needs that, someone who will tell him EXACTLY the way things are and the way things are supposed to work.
Oh, and PAGE CLAIM!!!

Aww, that's cute.
I like when Erin's like, "Who orders TEA?" Like it's some freakish thing.
My favorite lines:

"I never apologized. For some reason, my pride just refused to let me. Instead, I waited for the other person to apologize or I pretended the fight had never happened. It was easier that way. For me at least."

“And now you’re shrugging at me, you’re shrugging, what does that even mean?”

Oh, this is absolutely brilliant. I love how you portray the characters - I'm especially fond of Erin. She seems so immature, but with a deeper maturity that Matt will never be able to quite grasp. Just last night, I was complaining to a friend that I couldn't find anything decent on Mibba - and then I came across this story. And was absolutely astounded by its magnificence. Your descriptions leave me with a sense that I'm there, watching the characters, or even, at some points, that I am one of them.

Anyway. You're brilliant. I'm in awe of you. And I can't wait for more. (cause I'm already addicted.)

Awh, I just love it! This story is absolutely perfect! GAH! More soon, please?

kool

Everything about that chapter, I liked.

My favorite lines:

"much less actually participated in what it had to offer."

"Our shoes were physical proof of our differences."

I think I like the present day parts more.
My favorite lines:

"Just the sound of my startled, ragged breathing and even that slows to silence after a minute."

"I only have the memories and as I watch the clouds race over the water, I know that time will one day steal those as well."

"I realize. It is me that left Erin. "

Oh, she got him Earl Gray tea...*melts*
My favorite lines:

"Today, she is beautiful and that is just so aggravating!"

"Why does everyone here seem to stare?"

Oh, how I enjoyed that first paragraph. I like the little bit of humor thrown in there about the color of the walls.
I love the character of Erin already.
My favorite lines:

"I can do this on my own,"

"The artsit in me does not have to tell me that she is pretty. The man inside knows that well enough."

"The she does the most surprising thing in the world. She laughs."

"She does stare an awful lot."

Oh, wow. Wow wow wow.
First off, it takes guts to write from the perspective of an adult, particularly one that is in their sixties. This is story is already bittersweet, but it is not overdosing on itself. It is simple without being simplistic. And it already is beautiful. I also liked the slight repetition of lines.
My favorite lines:

"She and her ever present coffee have moved on to a place I have not followed, though once, I promised her I would."

"white capped steel"

"I never knew that she could do what she did."

"It is not the pain in my hands that keeps me from my work. It is not the pain in my hands."

"There is no one to talk to today. Today it is just me."

"when she stared at her reflection, did she ever see me?"

Another masterpiece!! I did notice some mistakes in chapter 3, just spacing and capitalization and I think one spelling. Nothing big. But it didn't take away from your obvious talent. Keep it up!

Agh! You moron. (I'm talking to Dorian, not the wonderful author ;D )
I really liked the line, "I'm not quite sure WHY I had a head of lettuce, but at the time it had seemed appropriate to buy." It's just so perfect. Great update XD

Tsk tsk, she has a lot to teach that boy.

I absolutely love how developed these characters are. I can't wait to see how this goes. MUAH!

I adore you. And your writing talents. And I love you for updating!!!!!

..More soon please?