Status: This story is on hiatus.
I Can Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It
Fueled By Hate
[[For the sake of this story, just pretend Spencer Smith’s birthday is in October]]
Brendon Urie’s POV
“Brenny, wake up, love,” Ryan whispered in my ear.
I sighed and reached out to touch soft skin and pulled his scrawny body to mine.
“What time is it?” I asked, feeling him slightly squirm to get out of my grasp.
“Two.”
“Really?” I sighed again and let him go.
“Yeah,” he got off the bed and I sat up and let out a yawn. “We have to get ready for Spencer’s party.”
I pouted. “But I don’t wanna go, I wanna stay here with you.”
He looked back from the dresser and smiled. “I would much prefer staying here than having to supervise you after you’ve had a few drinks but we can’t miss it. He’s gonna be 21.”
I scratched my head and crawled out of bed. “Did we get him a present?”
He threw a shirt on and glared at me. “Brendon, I told you to get him one yesterday! Remember, I gave you a hundred bucks before I left and told you to have a present by the time I got back.”
“But I…I was watching Spongebob, and I forgot!” I cried.
He glared at me for a few more minutes and then just laughed.
“It’s okay, we’ll just get him one on the way. I didn’t have too much faith in you getting one anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Ryan giggled and threw his arms around me. I kissed his nose and he smiled.
“You know I love you no matter how immature you are,” he said.
I smiled. “I’ll take it. As long as I have you, Ryan Ross.”
He leaned in and kissed me softly. I slipped my arms around the skeleton of a body. “You really need to eat more.”
Ryan sighed and let me go.
“What did I say?!”
He shook his head and walked to the bathroom. “You better be changed by the time I’m done in here.”
“Okay, sexy,” I smiled and went to my closet.
“And remember, none of that tonight. Try and lay off on the drinks, I really want to have a good time and not have to babysit you at a party for once, okay?”
“Nag, nag, nag,” I said under my breath and smiled.
Ryan Ross’s POV [a few hours later]
“Brendon, I asked you nicely not to get totally intoxicated!” I tried to keep my voice low. All of Fueled By Ramen was here, and I mean all of them.
Brendon giggled overdramatically and hiccupped. “What says you think intoxicated I am?”
I sighed and shook my head. “C’mon, you loserface,” I dragged him off of the barstool and had to steady him as we walked through the crowded bar towards where Jon and Spencer were with Pete, Patrick, and a few guys from TAI.
I bumped into someone while trying to keep all attention on Brendon, who was almost falling on top of people.
“I’m sorry!” I called back to the blonde who’d I’d bumped into.
She looked up at me and I was instantly paralyzed.
“Jac?”
“Ryan?”
“My God I haven’t seen you in…forever.”
“Yeah,” she smiled.
I turned around fast and cursed under my breath. I’d lost Brendon.
“You look great,” I said, instantly wanting to hit myself for saying it. You dingbat, she cheated on you, remember? But I still thought she was beautiful…
She giggled. “So do you.”
“How have you been?” I asked, trying to make small talk. I’d always loved talking to her, she was just such good company. Something about her was so enticing, she was so different...
“Do you wanna go sit down somewhere and talk?” she asked, noticing my awkwardness.
“Uh…sure,” I smiled and followed her in the direction I’d come from.
I searched frantically through the crowds of people to Brendon, but to no avail. I really needed to find him.
Jac was right in front of me. She grabbed my hand and I shivered. No escaping her now.
Gabe Saporta’s POV
“I dare you to take a body shot from Bill’s navel!” Pete cried, clearly real drunk and willing to be a dumbass.
William’s face instantly turned beet red.
“Dude, why would you do that?” Patrick cried, slapping Pete.
“Cuz we were playing truth or dare, duhhh!”
Patrick rolled his eyes.
William was sitting across from me. Neither of us made a move. We were friends, just friends. Whatever happened between us that was more than friendly was in the past and done with.
“So you gonna do it, or are you gonna be chicken?” Pete asked.
All of Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, and The Academy Is were staring at us.
“Well it was a dare, and I’m not no chicken,” I sighed.
Pete smiled and motioned for the waitress to get a few shots.
William’s face was still red.
Things are gonna change…
Mike Carden’s POV [Early 2006]
“Tom, I love you,” I whispered, snuggling against him.
“I love you too, Mikey,” he muttered, running his hands through my hair.
“Why does this feel so wrong?” I asked.
“This feels wrong to you?” he frowned.
“Not with you, no…I’ve always held something for you, remember?”
“You mean you don’t think if we told the rest of the guys, they’d understand?”
“Exactly.”
Tom shrugged. “I think Will’s always had an inkling of this. Two years ago, when I told him I was gay he was almost relieved.”
“What? Why?”
“Well he told me something that I can’t tell anyone, but I’ll tell you if you keep it secret, okay?”
I nodded and sat up a bit.
“Do you remember Midtown?”
“Isn’t that the band we toured with last year? Yeah, I remember. Gabe Saporta, right?”
He nodded.
“What about them?”
“Will and Gabe had a one-time thing,” Tom whispered.
“Really?!” I sat up. Gabe was one of the manliest men I knew. And Beckett had had a girlfriend around that time…or so I thought.
Tom nodded.
“Damn,” I muttered and then fell against his shoulder again.
“So he just asked me some things, it made him feel a lot better,” he explained.
“Did you tell him about us?”
“There wasn’t an us back then.”
“Oh yeah…”
“I won’t, but I think he would understand, if he ever knew.”
I nodded and looked back up at the stars. Maybe I did feel a little better.
Tom Conrad’s POV [October 2006]
“You said he’d understand!” Mike yelled.
“I thought he would,” I whispered, trying to calm him down.
William, Sisky, and the Butcher were talking in the other room. They knew, and things were looking bad…
Mike grabbed my hand.
“It’ll be okay,” I muttered.
He just shook his head.
The guys walked out.
“I’m just gonna say it flat out,” William began. “We can’t have this in the band. If something happens between you two, the band will be broken up for sure. It’s just for all of our best interest.”
“What do you want? Us to break up? Because that certainly affects the band in no way!” I cried.
“We want one of you to leave,” the Butcher replied. “Make your decision soon.”
“This way the band isn’t hurt, and you can still have a relationship,” Will was trying to show us the positives. He was most sympathetic towards this because of the whole Gabe thing.
“And think of what the fans will think,” Sisky pointed out. “It will be like fanfiction-writer’s heaven!”
Mike was almost crying.
“Guys c’mon, lets leave them alone,” William said, and pulled the Butcher and Sisky out of the room.
I turned to Mike when they were gone.
“I’ll leave,” we both said at the same time.
“No,” I said. “Mike, this band is your life, it always has been. It makes you happy.”
“But you are my life, you make me happy!” he cried.
“I’m not gonna be gone forever!”
He nodded. “Yes you are. Once you leave you’re gone forever. We can’t have a relationship; we should have never had a relationship!”
“Mike,” I grabbed his arm, but he pulled away.
“No, you’re right. You leave!” he yelled at me.
“I love you…”
“They’re right. Tom, I’m straight. I don’t know what I was thinking, this was so stupid,” he pounded his fist in the air.
“You…you don’t love me?”
“I don’t know!” he cried, tears pouring down his face. “Just leave, okay!”
I stood there, hesitated for a moment, and then I turned and left.
Brendon Urie’s POV
“Brenny, wake up, love,” Ryan whispered in my ear.
I sighed and reached out to touch soft skin and pulled his scrawny body to mine.
“What time is it?” I asked, feeling him slightly squirm to get out of my grasp.
“Two.”
“Really?” I sighed again and let him go.
“Yeah,” he got off the bed and I sat up and let out a yawn. “We have to get ready for Spencer’s party.”
I pouted. “But I don’t wanna go, I wanna stay here with you.”
He looked back from the dresser and smiled. “I would much prefer staying here than having to supervise you after you’ve had a few drinks but we can’t miss it. He’s gonna be 21.”
I scratched my head and crawled out of bed. “Did we get him a present?”
He threw a shirt on and glared at me. “Brendon, I told you to get him one yesterday! Remember, I gave you a hundred bucks before I left and told you to have a present by the time I got back.”
“But I…I was watching Spongebob, and I forgot!” I cried.
He glared at me for a few more minutes and then just laughed.
“It’s okay, we’ll just get him one on the way. I didn’t have too much faith in you getting one anyway.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Ryan giggled and threw his arms around me. I kissed his nose and he smiled.
“You know I love you no matter how immature you are,” he said.
I smiled. “I’ll take it. As long as I have you, Ryan Ross.”
He leaned in and kissed me softly. I slipped my arms around the skeleton of a body. “You really need to eat more.”
Ryan sighed and let me go.
“What did I say?!”
He shook his head and walked to the bathroom. “You better be changed by the time I’m done in here.”
“Okay, sexy,” I smiled and went to my closet.
“And remember, none of that tonight. Try and lay off on the drinks, I really want to have a good time and not have to babysit you at a party for once, okay?”
“Nag, nag, nag,” I said under my breath and smiled.
Ryan Ross’s POV [a few hours later]
“Brendon, I asked you nicely not to get totally intoxicated!” I tried to keep my voice low. All of Fueled By Ramen was here, and I mean all of them.
Brendon giggled overdramatically and hiccupped. “What says you think intoxicated I am?”
I sighed and shook my head. “C’mon, you loserface,” I dragged him off of the barstool and had to steady him as we walked through the crowded bar towards where Jon and Spencer were with Pete, Patrick, and a few guys from TAI.
I bumped into someone while trying to keep all attention on Brendon, who was almost falling on top of people.
“I’m sorry!” I called back to the blonde who’d I’d bumped into.
She looked up at me and I was instantly paralyzed.
“Jac?”
“Ryan?”
“My God I haven’t seen you in…forever.”
“Yeah,” she smiled.
I turned around fast and cursed under my breath. I’d lost Brendon.
“You look great,” I said, instantly wanting to hit myself for saying it. You dingbat, she cheated on you, remember? But I still thought she was beautiful…
She giggled. “So do you.”
“How have you been?” I asked, trying to make small talk. I’d always loved talking to her, she was just such good company. Something about her was so enticing, she was so different...
“Do you wanna go sit down somewhere and talk?” she asked, noticing my awkwardness.
“Uh…sure,” I smiled and followed her in the direction I’d come from.
I searched frantically through the crowds of people to Brendon, but to no avail. I really needed to find him.
Jac was right in front of me. She grabbed my hand and I shivered. No escaping her now.
Gabe Saporta’s POV
“I dare you to take a body shot from Bill’s navel!” Pete cried, clearly real drunk and willing to be a dumbass.
William’s face instantly turned beet red.
“Dude, why would you do that?” Patrick cried, slapping Pete.
“Cuz we were playing truth or dare, duhhh!”
Patrick rolled his eyes.
William was sitting across from me. Neither of us made a move. We were friends, just friends. Whatever happened between us that was more than friendly was in the past and done with.
“So you gonna do it, or are you gonna be chicken?” Pete asked.
All of Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, and The Academy Is were staring at us.
“Well it was a dare, and I’m not no chicken,” I sighed.
Pete smiled and motioned for the waitress to get a few shots.
William’s face was still red.
Things are gonna change…
Mike Carden’s POV [Early 2006]
“Tom, I love you,” I whispered, snuggling against him.
“I love you too, Mikey,” he muttered, running his hands through my hair.
“Why does this feel so wrong?” I asked.
“This feels wrong to you?” he frowned.
“Not with you, no…I’ve always held something for you, remember?”
“You mean you don’t think if we told the rest of the guys, they’d understand?”
“Exactly.”
Tom shrugged. “I think Will’s always had an inkling of this. Two years ago, when I told him I was gay he was almost relieved.”
“What? Why?”
“Well he told me something that I can’t tell anyone, but I’ll tell you if you keep it secret, okay?”
I nodded and sat up a bit.
“Do you remember Midtown?”
“Isn’t that the band we toured with last year? Yeah, I remember. Gabe Saporta, right?”
He nodded.
“What about them?”
“Will and Gabe had a one-time thing,” Tom whispered.
“Really?!” I sat up. Gabe was one of the manliest men I knew. And Beckett had had a girlfriend around that time…or so I thought.
Tom nodded.
“Damn,” I muttered and then fell against his shoulder again.
“So he just asked me some things, it made him feel a lot better,” he explained.
“Did you tell him about us?”
“There wasn’t an us back then.”
“Oh yeah…”
“I won’t, but I think he would understand, if he ever knew.”
I nodded and looked back up at the stars. Maybe I did feel a little better.
Tom Conrad’s POV [October 2006]
“You said he’d understand!” Mike yelled.
“I thought he would,” I whispered, trying to calm him down.
William, Sisky, and the Butcher were talking in the other room. They knew, and things were looking bad…
Mike grabbed my hand.
“It’ll be okay,” I muttered.
He just shook his head.
The guys walked out.
“I’m just gonna say it flat out,” William began. “We can’t have this in the band. If something happens between you two, the band will be broken up for sure. It’s just for all of our best interest.”
“What do you want? Us to break up? Because that certainly affects the band in no way!” I cried.
“We want one of you to leave,” the Butcher replied. “Make your decision soon.”
“This way the band isn’t hurt, and you can still have a relationship,” Will was trying to show us the positives. He was most sympathetic towards this because of the whole Gabe thing.
“And think of what the fans will think,” Sisky pointed out. “It will be like fanfiction-writer’s heaven!”
Mike was almost crying.
“Guys c’mon, lets leave them alone,” William said, and pulled the Butcher and Sisky out of the room.
I turned to Mike when they were gone.
“I’ll leave,” we both said at the same time.
“No,” I said. “Mike, this band is your life, it always has been. It makes you happy.”
“But you are my life, you make me happy!” he cried.
“I’m not gonna be gone forever!”
He nodded. “Yes you are. Once you leave you’re gone forever. We can’t have a relationship; we should have never had a relationship!”
“Mike,” I grabbed his arm, but he pulled away.
“No, you’re right. You leave!” he yelled at me.
“I love you…”
“They’re right. Tom, I’m straight. I don’t know what I was thinking, this was so stupid,” he pounded his fist in the air.
“You…you don’t love me?”
“I don’t know!” he cried, tears pouring down his face. “Just leave, okay!”
I stood there, hesitated for a moment, and then I turned and left.
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