Such a Paradox

I hung my head in my hands and cussed incoherently under my breath. I heard someone open and close to door to the tour bus I was currently moping on. I was feeling sorry for myself, but at least I had a liable reason. The person that came on the bus didn’t look at me twice from what I could tell or ask me what was wrong.

They were speaking to someone else, someone on the phone. I looked up through my long hair and cloudy eyes to see Jason Hale leaning against the sink, talking happily into his sidekick. He never had a worry in the world. I wish I could live like him. He smiled softly, like whoever he was talking to could see him, "I'm so happy you're okay, Cami, really, you had me so worried." Well, I guess some things do worry Jason. "No, they're all fine with you coming and living with us. Don't sweat it, I'll see you tonight." He nodded and laughed, "Love you too, Camz, see you tomorrow." Jason hung up the phone and looked at me, the smile from his face falling. "What happened, man?"

I shook my head and handed him a piece of paper, Jason took it from me and sat down next to me. He read it as I read it again for the millionth time over his shoulder. It made my heart literally hurt. Everyone always says how breaking up breaks your heart. I always thought the term "a breaking heart" was figurative but it had a completely new meaning in my book after what I had just read. I felt like my heart was coming apart in little pieces.

Craig,

We made the sun shine but I'll never be one of those hundreds of people in your life that do tricks for treats. Take the time to be still, silent and alone to remember who you really are. It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own. It's funny how some things in life we take the greatest gamble yet we hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities...only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing.

Such a paradox, isn't it?

Janelle

"Wow, Craig." Jason paused, put the letter down, and looked at me intently. "I'm so sorry, Craig, really." He didn’t know what to say. He was the always the one with funny jokes, weird hair, and a knack for short shorts. He put his arms around me and hugged me and told me I would be okay. I pulled away from him and thanked him, it was weird to see him so serious. He cracked a smile, "Hey, fuck her, right? Janelle doesn’t know what she's missing. You're damn good in bed, I mean I would know."

I couldn’t help but laugh and say, "She's a whore."

It was a complete lie; I loved Janelle with all my heart. It hurt to let her go and it was definitely a blow to my ego. Jason laughed his comforting laugh, "We're all whores, Craig, some of us just get paid." He looked at me, making a face. I rolled my eyes and groaned, smashing into the couch we were on. He patted my head before getting up and walking to the bunks. He turned back and yelled, "Hey, we're going out tonight, okay? I don’t want you to get into a melodramatic slump. I'll show you a good time, buddy."

I nodded because I knew that arguing with Jason Hale was no use at all.