Come one come all

That night I was sitting on the bus a beer in my hand, the third within the hour I had been sitting here. There was nothing else for me to do apart from wallow in self pity, I had done what is considered as the most terrible thing in the world. I have hurt the girl I thought I would protect, I told her I would protect her and I’ve broken my word. Jack and Rian were on the bus in the bunks, more likely talking about me and what a horrible person I was. Rian was on the phone to Pete earlier and had to explain everything to him, I could hear Pete shouting at me over the other end of the phone. I always wondered how one person could fall from grace so quickly and now I know. Jack came in and sat opposite to me on the other big black leather seat.

“I’ve just got off the phone to the hospital. She’s stable but critical.” I didn’t need to hear this, I didn’t want to hear it. There was one thing I just had to ask however, the guilt was just destroying me.

“Is she going to die Jack?” I finished off my beer and placed the empty bottle on the table.

“They’re hopeful she will make some sort of a recovery yes.”

“What do you mean some sort?”

“She lost a lot of blood, her brain was deprived of some oxygen, so there is a chance that...”

“She could be brain damaged. Jack I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, this wasn’t how things were meant to pan out, it wasn’t meant to be this way.”

“Nothing ever is,” Jack stated simply and walked back to the bunks. Is that all he had to say? I mean he could have either shouted at me or been sympathetic, what the hell is this emotion? I was so confused about everything there was only one thing for it, it have another beer.

“Alex I’m going to the hospital with Jack do you want to come with us?” Zack asked;
it had been twenty four hours since she got knocked down and she was in a coma. Rian was on the phone to Pete this morning, they had operated and she had stopped bleeding internally but they were worried about her brain. They were doing some scans right now and I guess the guys wanted to go down there and see how they went.

“I think I’m the last person Pete wants to see right now.” Pete has been there all night I understand, since her parents aren’t able to come until the weekend Pete thought he would represent the family. There was some truth in what I said but the real reason as to why I didn’t want to go is because I am too much of a coward frankly, I can’t face it. I won’t be able to look at her small lifeless body knowing that I am the reason she is there hooked up to all those machines.

“Ok dude, Rian said he would keep you company if you didn’t want to go. I’ll keep you posted.” He called out for Jack and they both left frantically. I rolled my eyes at them for assuming I wouldn’t go and have assigned Rian to babysit for me, I don’t need a babysitter I thought as I looked in the fridge for something to eat. Maybe this bottle of Jack Daniels would do the trick also.

It was past seven by the time Jack and Zack returned from the hospital, Rian was in his bunk sulking because we just had a fight, the bottle of whiskey was almost empty and Rian laid in to me for drinking it, I shouted back I wasn’t a five year old child and he just walked out. I looked up at my other two band mate’s eyes slightly red and glazed over.

“Alex you’re a mess!” Zack proclaimed and got a coke out of the fridge.

“She’s stable, she is still on a ventilator and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of any serious brain injuries. All we do now is wait and see when she wakes up.” Jack knew me like a children’s nursery rhyme and told me what I needed to know just from the look on my face.

“Is she going to die?” I slurred, not really knowing what I was saying.

“No, but you are going to bed come on.” Simultaneously my friends pulled me up from off the sofa, one each side and walked me to my bed. I didn’t need anyone to look after me all I wanted was Louisa, and I know that is impossible.